Fat Girl Problems

Chapter 19: Relationships

I'd never been on a relationship before. Actually, I never met a guy who actually liked me before Brad. That was why everything Brad-related was complicated. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't even know what we were.

So far, we'd only been on two dates. They were both good dates, but I wasn't sure if this was how a relationship should be like. I always expected more. The problem was, I didn't know what that more was. Was it feelings? Was it displays of affection? I honestly had no idea.

Sighing, I glanced over at Brad who was working on his Math booklet. He was so cute. I didn't understand why I wasn't ecstatic over him. Maybe because we barely went out. That reminded me. I needed to tell him I overcame my fear of looking up.

Slightly smiling, I texted him about that. He instantly replied, asking me out on a date. My smile grew as I accepted.

For some reason, I then glanced at Connor. To my surprise, he was already looking - glaring at me. Shuddering, I looked away. What's up with him? I honestly thought we were past that phase between us. The scary looks phase. Whatever.

Our fingers were intertwined and I could feel the warmth of his hand. It seemed right, everything seemed right, but it didn't feel right. Fighting back a frown, I smiled at Brad.

"I had fun," I honestly said, as we walked through the park.

That was what made me even more confused. I did have fun, I was enjoying myself on these dates. But, at the end of the day I wasn't feelings ecstatic over him. Everything just felt normal. It was like he was just a friend to me. I hoped my mind wasn't being an idiot and thinking that.

"Me too," he said, smiling warmly at me.

My smile grew as we continued to walk through the quiet park. It was peaceful and really comfortable. I really liked this beautiful park and it's greenery.

After a few minutes of comfortable silent walking, we eventually reached a wooden bench. The area was empty and I liked that a lot too. Even though I could look up now, it didn't mean I was comfortable with people staring at me.

"Quinn," Brad said, once I sat down.

"Yeah," I responded, staring at him confused as he continued to stand in front of me.

He stared at me, with what I hoped was adoration. It didn't seem like it though, not really. I still hoped it was anyways.

Suddenly, he went one one knee. I made sure my jaw wouldn't drop as I stared at him blankly. What in the world is he doing? Is he proposing?

"Quinn," Brad said, clearing his throat. "I know we only started getting to know each other, but I really like you. Will you do the honor of being my girlfriend?"

I continued to stare at him blankly, even though I was really touched by what he said. This was definitely a first, something I thought would never happen. I honestly couldn't believe it was happening, but I didn't know how to reply. With my confused feelings it seemed wrong to accept, but if I did deny it would seem like I thought I was too good for him when I clearly wasn't.

Forcing a smile, I accepted, "Okay."

Brad grinned at me and opened his arms out wide, wanting a hug. I awkwardly got up and hugged him back. As usual, it wasn't what I expected.

Pulling out my lap top, I decided to do some research. I was confused, completely confused over the fact that I didn't feel the way the way I though I should around Brad. He was sweet, smart, funny, kind, and attractive. There was definitely nothing wrong with him, so now I had to figure out what was wrong with me.

I searched up crushes because that was what I needed to know about. The feelings that involved crushes. I did have crushes when I was younger, a lot if them actually, but I stopped when I realized guys were jerks who found my hideous. Finally I found a guy who wasn't a jerk, but my feelings felt weird. A part of me felt like I was expecting too much.

The results for crushes tended to consist mainly of quizzes to see if you actually liked him, or if he actually liked you. Curious, I clicked on the quiz to see if I him. I was sure I did like him, but I was in the mood to be reassured.

The first question started off as an introduction, saying hi. Smiling, I click the answer of hi. Whoever wrote this seemed sweet so far. It made me feel less fidgety.

The next question left me blinking blankly. It asked me what my favourite colour was. I couldn't help but continuously read it over. It didn't make sense. How could your favourite colour determine whether you like him or not?

I answered red anyways and moved into the next question. Thankfully it was a legitimate question that related to the topic. It asked; Do you ever find yourself staring at that person? I thought about it, and to my surprise an image of Connor popped into my mind. My jaw nearly dropped and I forced my myself to think about Brad. That was strange. I tried to push what just happened away.

I ended up not being able to remember a time where I stared at Brad from afar. Saddened, I clicked no. The next question then popped up. It asked; Do you get butterflies when you're around him? I thought about it and quickly slapped myself as a picture of Connor popped up in my mind again. Yes, I actually slapped myself. I was freaked out. Why is Connor popping into my thoughts during these questions!?

Taking a deep breath, I realized I didn't really when it came to Brad. Disappointed, I went to the questions more quickly. Every time I thought about the question, Connor always ended up in my thoughts. That freaked me out to the point where I slapped myself silly. Brad was who I should be thinking about.

Eventually I was at the final question. It was a question where the person was saying goodbye. I stared at it blankly, knowing my result would appear if I answered it. After a few seconds, I pushed my lap top away. I knew the answer wouldn't be an answer I'd be pleased with.

Sighing, I leaned against the wall of my room. I was exhausted, exhausted from these strange thoughts of Connor. It didn't make sense. Why was he appearing in my mind?

I was a hundred percent sure I didn't like him. Sure he was sweet, funny, kind, and attractive, but so was Brad. Unlike Brad, Connor was scary too. I wouldn't fall for a guy who'd terrify me to the point where I'd shudder. Thankfully I had that much of a brain. Anyways, Connor would never like me.

Sighing once again, I closed my eyes. Even though I was saying all this, it didn't seem right. It didn't seem right, but I didn't know why. At least I knew I definitely didn't like Connor. I'd fix whatever I had with Brad later, when I wasn't feeling so nauseous.