Fat Girl Problems

Fat Girl Problem 8: Eating Disorders

    I waited patiently for Connor to come over. Dad was sleeping, so I hoped Connor would come quicker. My dad never trusted guys, so I wasn't sure how he'd react to Connor. That's why I was thankful he was asleep at the moment.

    Music was blasting from my radio as I waited. Closing my eyes, I began to relax. It wasn't one yet, so I knew I had time. Exhaustion took over me.

     "Quinn!"

     My eyes flew opened and I looked at the time. It was ten after one, which meant Connor was here. Shit, dad called me he must know Connor's here.

    I rushed down the stairs and saw my dad staring at Connor. He looked so serious and judgeful that I shrunk back, even though he wasn't looking at me. Surprisingly, Connor looked as comfortable as ever as his eyes drifted to where I stood. A half-smile formed on his lips.

    "Sorry," I apologized. "Let's go upstairs."

    I began to walk upstairs, and I hoped he was following. Silently, I prayed my dad wouldn't speak. That didn't work.

     As I reached the top of the stairs, my dad yelled, "Keep the door open!"

    My cheeks turned red as I walked to my room. This was embarrassing. Thank god Connor wasn't the type to care about much.

     Once in my room, Connor scanned the area. I sat on my bed and watched him. Self-consciousness was building up within me. Unlike most teenagers, my room was awfully boring. It didn't have posters or nice decor or anything actually. All there was, was a bed, table, shelf, and chair. Thankfully Connor decided to sit on the chair after scanning my room.

    We sat in silence for a bit. I still wasn't really comfortable with him because he was a guy. A pretty terrifying guy too. I felt kind of bad though. He helped me gain friends and no insults were thrown my way anymore thanks to him. Maybe I should grow some guts.

     "So, what should we pick as our topic?" I asked.

     "I don't know, you can pick," he replied casually.

    Frowning, I began to regret agreeing to be his partner. I hated making decisions, a lot. I always wanted to please the other person, so I always allowed them to pick what they wanted. Now that Connor asked me, I felt wrong.

    Ignoring those feelings, I said, "Um, I was thinking either eating disorders or drugs."

     I also wanted to do sex, but that seemed weird to say. I didn't want him thinking I was some pervert when I was actually just a curious person.

     "Oh, I was thinking sex," he said bluntly.

     My jaw nearly dropped and slight blush filled my cheeks. I couldn't believe he just said it without care. Maybe I was immature, but I was still shocked.

    "You know a girl gets pregnant each month at our school," he continued.

     "Really?" My jaw dropped. Whoa. I didn't know that.

     He nodded. "Yeah, but let's do eating disorders since I don't mind doing that either. Drugs are overrated."

     This time I nodded. We then began researching on my laptop for a disorder. It was silent for the most part, which was pretty awkward. A part of me wanted to make conversation, but the other part told me to stay quiet. I listened to the other part.

     We eventually decided to choose anorexia. It was a disease I kind of knew about because I once wanted to go through it. Well, I didn't want to go through it, but I wanted to starve myself to become skinny. That was when I hit rock bottom. Thankfully one of my friends told me about the consequences of it, so I never went through with it in the end. I was thankful of myself and her because in the end of the day I valued my life.

     We began working on the report part of the project. Surprisingly, Connor knew a lot about anorexia already. It was pretty cool because I thought guys we're clueless on these types of things.

     Curious, I asked him, "How do you know so much about anorexia?"

     I regretted asking him instantly. He suddenly clenched his jaw and I saw his eyes darken. Gulping, I looked away.

     "That's none of your business," he growled.

     I nodded vigurously. Okay, this was why I didn't initiate conversations with him. The boy was terrifying.

     Eventually, I looked back at him. To my surprise he was already staring at me. His features had actually softened up and he looked guilty.

     "I'm sorry," he said. "It's personal."

     I shook my head quickly. "Don't apologize, it's my fault."

     "Why are you always so quick to apologize?" he suddenly asked.

     I shrugged. I didn't know myself. It was a bad habit I guess.

     He changed the subject. "Are you going to the dance?"

      "Yeah," I sighed. "Thea's making me go."

     I began to remember how I declined afterwards, but she freaked out on me. She began going on about how this was a senior year and how we should live it to the fullest. Me being a sucker for good memories gave in. I hoped it would be worth it.

     "Me too," Connor replied shrugging. "Well, Devon's making me go."

     I smiled and fought back the urge to exclaim twinsies. I needed to be somewhat cool around him.

     For some reason the ice seemed to break around us. We actually began talking about randomness. It wasn't full of jokes, but the conversations were awfully interesting. Turns out Connor was a very thoughtful person. That was really surprising to me because usually the atlethic types were idiots, no offence. Connor proved that stereotype wrong.

     We were in the middle of a debate on whether the chicken or the egg came first when my dad peered into my room. He was eyeing Connor suspiciously and I tried discreetly shooing him away. Connor seemed to notice and he slightly smiled.

     "Hi Sir," Connor said.

     I stared at Connor blankly. For the first time ever he looked innocent. Like little kid innocent. It was so strange, but I couldn't help but think he was pretty adorable.

     "Hey son," my dad replied less suspiciously.

     He continued to stare at Connor for a bit. Connor held his stare, still looking really innocent. I just sat in the middle of it awkwardly. For once I had no idea how to handle my father.

     Eventually, my dad said, "I like you boy. You're cute."

     I nearly choked on my own spit - ew. But, what the heck!? Oddly, Connor began smirking at least.

     "Dad, are you gay?" I asked in shock.

     My dad laughed and Connor smiled. I blushed because his smile was heavenly.

     "Only for the boy," my dad replied winking.

     I pretended to gag, but then I stopped when I heard something beautiful. It hit me somewhere in my heart, giving me a nice warmth. Looking at Connor, I saw that he was laughing. It was beautiful. It rumbled lowly, but it sounded so light. Such a beautiful mix.

     My dad walked away without another word and I continued to stare at Connor who was still laughing. My heart still felt warm as I took in the beautiful noise. Eventually, Connor noticed I was staring.

     "Sorry," he apologized. "Your dad's funny."

     "Don't worry, and he's actually more weird," I replied.

     Connor smiled and then we went back to work. For some reason my heart still fluttered and I became more conscious of Connor. Discreetly, I tried to stare at him. He was cute, he really was, but that didn't matter. There was no way he'd look at a girl like me. No one would.

     Despite working on a project I began to wonder if I should have went through anorexia. It seemed worth it. People recover from the disease and remain thin. I shook my head. No, I would never stoop so low. People also die from the disease. No one was worth risking that for.