Fat Girl Problems

Fat Girl Problem 30: Acceptance

"What happened at school?" I asked frowning.

I had an idea that I fainted, but I barely remembered how and why. It didn't make sense. People starved themselves all the time. I had only been starving myself for a few days, so why would I faint from it?

"Well I approached you for starving yourself and you suddenly fainted which confirmed my suspicions," Connor simply said.

I looked down at the blanket covering me. Honestly, I didn't really remember any of that, so I forced myself to remember. After a few seconds of thinking, I did. Connor had demanded to know if I had and then I just let sleep consume me. Whoa. I now wondered why he was here and talking so gently. At school he seemed so furious.

"What are you doing here?" I suddenly asked.

His eyes narrowed at me. "Who do you think brought you home?"

I blushed. Wow. I'm an idiot.

"Sorry...thanks."

I looked around my room and became self conscious of how messy it was. Clothes were thrown carelessly everywhere and papers were scattered across the floor. Frowning, I just stared around.

"Quinn," Connor said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Why are you starving yourself?"

"I'm not," I quickly said.

His eyes narrowed at me again. "Don't lie to me. You fainting is proof enough that you are."

I look away ashamed. "Fine, I am. It's none of you business though."

"It is my business."

"Not it isn't."

We stared at each other for a bit, challenging each other with our eyes. I didn't want any lecture for my choices, so I wasn't going to let him win this. He was one of the many people who didn't understand how it was like to be fat.

"I care about you, so it is my business," he suddenly growled, furrowing his eyebrows.

Ignoring the first part, I said, "Okay, so now what do you want to say."

"Don't starve yourself."

"Why?"

"You know why!"

I rolled my eyes. "Look, it's only temporary. I'll become skinny and then I'll stop."

"Quinn, you know it's not that simple."

"Connor, you should let me do what I want."

He exhaled heavily. "Just answer this. Why are you doing this?"

"To become skinny."

"Why? Skinny isn't something worth starving yourself over."

Suddenly anger rose up within me. He didn't understand. It was true; no one understood. That just angered me more than ever before. For some reason I hoped Connor would, but I was incredibly wrong.

"You don't understand what it's like!" I exclaimed. "You have no idea what it's like to be judged constantly, to be thought of as less because of your size! It sucks! It sucks so much! That's why I need to become skinny!"

At first his eyes widened, but they soon darkened in their whirlpool of anger. Usually I would of been afraid, but today I wasn't. Today I wasn't because they had water in them. It looked like he was breaking all of the sudden.

"You think I don't understand?" he said in a low tone. "You honestly think I don't understand? Guess what Quinn, I totally understand because I was once fat."

My jaw nearly dropped as I stared at him wide eyed. Connor was once fat? He continued angrily before I could say something.

"Why do you think I protect you? It's because I know what it's like to be you. I know what it's like to be judged and ridiculed for being larger than average. That's why."

My eyes widened even more in shock. Whoa. I didn't expect that. Never did I once think that was why he chose to protect me.

However, I couldn't help but say, "I'm sorry to hear that, but you kind of prove my point. You're thin now and no one bothers you. That's what I hope for."

His eyes darkened even more and suddenly he got up. He walked over to where I lay on the bed and stood at the side. His eyes had watered up even more, but the anger in them was incredibly intense as well.

"You know why I'm thin?" he growled.

I shook my head.

"It's because I starved myself," he said, still in a low tone of voice. "I starved myself and nearly cost myself my life. Do you remember that story I told you on Christmas. About the boy and his sister? That boy was me."

My eyes widened in shock. That means...

"Yes, my sister died. She died because like me she was also big. I had starved myself, so she decided to, too. We both ended up in the hospital and I survived. I can't say the same for her."

My eyes were bulging out of my sockets now. Oh my god. I stared at him speechless as I saw tears threaten to spill out of his eyes.

"Quinn, please don't starve yourself," he pleaded. "I care about you a lot and I don't want to lose you. You're perfect the way you are. You're so beautiful. Don't change yourself to please others."

Tears finally escaped his eyes and I stared at him. My eyes softened, but my heart ached for him. As I watched the tears slide down his face, I decided to do something that I never thought about doing before. Something that I desperately wanted to do at that very moment.

I grabbed his black v-neck and pulled him closer to me gently. I then closed my eyes and gently pressed my lips onto his. The second I did that, he kissed me back passionately and I followed his lips movements just as passionately as him.

The truth was I didn't feel sparks, or tingles, or anything. But it felt amazing. It felt just right and I didn't want to stop kissing him. Maybe the truth was kissing wasn't filled with these feelings, it was only filled with the feeling of completion. That was how I felt now. Complete.

After a minute, I pulled away and looked at his eyes that looked livid. The tears had been erase and now there was a boy who looked more handsome than usual.

"I won't starve myself," I said smiling shyly. "I promise."

He smiled. "Good."