Your presence draws me in even when I know the damage you will cause. I hate how easily I would let you turn me into a skeleton of myself.
Its painful. Waking up each morning and looking in the mirror, hating who I see looking back at me. Thoughts racing through my head, telling me to skip breakfast and just have a glass of water instead. I feel this familiar feeling sink into my skin and bones. It always starts this way. I make progress just for my mind to tear me back down to where I started. A glass of water it is. Hunger pains kick in within a few hours. I only eat something small to make the pain go away. I feel a pang of guilt knowing what I'm doing to myself but its feel like I'm moving on autopilot. I catch myself checking the calories of anything I eat, counting them never wanting to go over the amount my brain deemed as "good for me". Skipping meals to help stay under that number. I hate myself for doing it.
Seeing that number drop and drop after weeks, months... I hate how a part of me felt proud, happy even. I hate how okay I can feel with how I hurt myself this way. I wish it was easier to get rid of this mindset. I pray that every time I make progress towards leaving this behind that the cycle won't begin again.
YOU ARE READING
Lock Away Your Heart
RandomTW: physical abuse, self-harm, death, eating disorders Keep to yourself, don't draw in unwanted attention. Don't you dare let that cheerful attitude fade. Put on a fake smile and go about your day. No one needs to know what goes on after dark. No on...
