No matter the situation, no matter the circumstances, you always put the blame on me. I'm always in the wrong. I'm always the reason for the fights, the arguments, the hurt. You say these things without an ounce of guilt, knowing full well that the blame is truly yours. Yet I'm always taking the fall, taking the beating. Why? What could I have possibly done to you to deserve this?
You've always made me feel like the villain in my own story. As if I really am the one at fault for everything you've ever done to me. Every time you've hurt me, every time you've threatened me with words that felt like knives. I blamed myself. I always told myself that I deserved it; every mark left from you. You always were careful though never to leave bad enough bruises or marks that the lasted weeks, yet alone days. Never wanting anyone to see how you had hurt me just the night before. I always covered it up anyway. I never wanted anyone to see either. Never wanted anyone to see the pain I thought I deserved, evidence of what I saw as me being a horrible person. Never wanted anyone to see and make that call I was so god damn afraid of.
I still loved you no matter how many times you decide your idea of punishment was okay. I couldn't bring myself to let go of the you I used to know. I wanted to believe that you would change. I was hopeful at first but that hope slowly died out as the years went by. The older I got the more I realized how deeply you hurt me and how nothing ever changed. I still struggle with believing that I am not the villain here. You were the one with violence shining in your eyes. I was only a child.
YOU ARE READING
Lock Away Your Heart
RandomTW: physical abuse, self-harm, death, eating disorders Keep to yourself, don't draw in unwanted attention. Don't you dare let that cheerful attitude fade. Put on a fake smile and go about your day. No one needs to know what goes on after dark. No on...
