can you see me? / purinz

seven minutes in hell

The next day, it's finally time for SBS Gayo Daejeon. Chaewon knows she should be more excited. They've been practicing all week and their stage is unlike anything they've shown fans before. As they arrive and pose for the cameras, Chaewon does her best to pretend that everything is normal, even if their outfits kind of look like Kazuha, Sakura, and Eunchae are going to a red carpet event while Yunjin and Chaewon are going to a renaissance fair. She stands in her spot between Yunjin and Kazuha and does her best not to think. Does her best to ignore the adorable smile Yunjin puts on for the cameras and ignore the way it makes her stomach twist.

Once they're backstage, though, the tension of the past few days rises to the surface. Kazuha doesn't speak a word, just sits alone in a corner looking up at everything with wide eyes. Sakura is so tense Chaewon can see a vein popping out of her neck. Chaewon wants nothing more than to run far away from Seoul, dig a hole, and start a new life underground. Eunchae, bewildered by the change in the other members, has retreated to her safe space on Yunjin's lap. Chaewon surprises even herself with the irritation that pokes in her chest at the sight of Yunjin babying Eunchae. Is she really getting jealous of the maknae? Lately, though, Chawon has been jealous of the hats that sit on Yunjin's head and the gloves she pulls onto her hands. She just wants her best friend back, that's all. She just doesn't understand how Yunjin can give a smile like that to the cameras but can't even look at Chaewon.

Their stage is a great success. Although Chaewon feels a little awkward taking out her hair extensions on the side of the stage, the crowd seems to love what they have prepared. For once, Chaewon forgets all about Kazuha's shy gaze and Sakura's clenched hands. She forgets the guilt that burns in her stomach when she sees the lost look in Eunchae's eyes. She even forgets about the bright eyes of the blonde girl dancing beside her. She lets everything go and enjoys the performance, remembering again why she chose this career path. Then, all too soon, they're backstage again and Yunjin is fawning over Kazuha and Chaewon wants to scream. Isn't she the one that made you cry last night? Aren't I the one that comforted you? But she keeps quiet.

They go back onstage for The Boys and Yunjin wears a button up shirt and glasses and for a moment Chaewon wonders if the whole week has just been purgatory and now she's finally in heaven. Then they're backstage again and it's silent and Eunchae is hiding in Sakura's shoulder and everything is tense and awkward and horrible and no, she's unfortunately still alive.

The car ride back is torturous, Chaewon chewing on her bottom lip until it bleeds and she should be worried about how it's going to look the next day but she can't find it in herself to care.They take the elevator up in heavy silence and Sakura almost makes to the door of her dorm before she spins around to face the rest of the members, eyes looking straight into Chaewon's.

"I can't take this anymore," Sakura says in a voice Chaewon has never heard come out of her before.

Eunchae looks from Sakura to Chaewon and back with wide eyes.

Sakura's face softens for a moment. "Go to bed, Eunchae," She says quietly, "I don't want you to have to get involved in this." The youngest girl obeys without protest. Once Eunchae is out of earshot, Sakura's voice regains the bite it had before.

"Everyone in here. Now." She gestures towards the dorm she shares with Kazuha. Chaewon hangs her head. Although she is the leader, Sakura will always be the oldest. They walk into the dorm in silence and stand awkwardly in the main area.

Kazuha speaks first, "What's going on?" Chaewon realizes that Kazuha has no idea about the conversation she and Yunjin had the night before. The poor girl must be just as confused as Eunchae.
"Do you know the game seven minutes in heaven?" Sakura asks.

Yunjin nods, "It's an American game. You lock two people in a closet for seven minutes and they make out and stuff. I played it in middle school."

Chaewon blinks. Sakura can't be serious.
"We're not playing that version," Sakura says quickly, and Chaewon breathes a sigh of relief. "We're playing a version I invented myself: seven minutes in hell. It's where you all take turns going into that closet and you're have seven minutes to fucking talk about your feelings so Eunchae and I don't have to be tortured like this anymore." She points towards the door of the coat closet. Chaewon swallows.