can you see me? / purinz

meanwhile

The hotel room's air conditioner is blasting on the highest setting, making even the bedsheets ice cold to the touch. Sakura attempts to fiddle with it for a few minutes, earning nothing but a few weak sputters and no break from the onslaught of freezing air, before giving up and wrapping herself up in the comforter to preserve body heat.

Kazuha comes out of the bathroom in her pajamas and smiles seeing Sakura's face poking out of the white blob of sheets. The untrained eye would think that Kazuha doesn't notice the cold, but Sakura knows the younger girl a little better than that. Kazuha has a way of adjusting herself around things so quietly Sakura's not sure if the other members even notice her doing it. To be fair, two of the other members are usually busy noticing each other.

"Are you cold, Zuha?" Sakura asks gently. She considers it part of her duty as the oldest, nudging Kazuha to vocalize her needs. She worries that Kazuha will forget that she needs to eat and sleep when Sakura isn't there to remind her.

"A little bit," Kazuha admits.

"I tried to fix the air conditioner, but I'm no good at that kind of thing," Sakura explains. Suddenly on a mission, Kazuha crosses over to the air conditioner and fiddles with it just as Sakura had. She pushes a button that makes it roar louder and Sakura squeals as she's blasted with even colder air.

Kazuha gasps, "I'm sorry. Oh my god, I made it worse."

"Come here, Zuha," Sakura laughs, unwrapping herself from the comforter burrito to hold her arms out to the younger girl, "We can warm each other up." She enjoys the way the younger girl blushes at her words.

Sakura isn't stupid enough to think that Kazuha returns her feelings. She's so young, still in that phase where fancies pass as quickly as night turns to day. A few days ago it was Chaewon, now it's Sakura, next she'll probably be drooling over Yunjin. Still, she enjoys being the object of Kazuha's attention, no matter how short-lived.

Sakura stands up, letting the comforter fall back onto the bed as the taller girl envelops her in a hug. Kazuha's hands rub up and down Sakura's arms, returning heat to the numbing skin, and Sakura smiles against Kazuha's chest.

"Let me take care of you," She murmurs, "I'm the older one."

"But you're so small," Kazuha protests, "I'm afraid you'll freeze to death if I don't keep you warm."

"Small?" Sakura repeats.
"I-I mean," Zuha stutters, "Not that you're small, but you're kind of short and-"

"I know I'm small," Sakura laughs, "Let me take care of you anyway." She gently pushes Kazuha back onto the bed, taking note of the way the younger girl flushes at her touch, the way she can't meet Sakura's eyes while she pulls the comforter over her. Once Kazuha is safely tucked in, Sakura climbs into bed beside her, pressing their bodies together. It's still freezing, but it's bearable with Kazuha's heat warming her.

"Is this okay, Zuha?" Sakura whispers. Kazuha nods enthusiastically, earning another laugh from Sakura. She snuggles into the younger girl, enjoying Kazuha's toned arm holding her tightly in place and the steady rise and fall of her chest. Enjoying it all too much because Sakura knows better than to get sucked in like this. She's been keeping her feelings in check for eleven years of being an idol, never falling for one of her members because she knows the havoc it would wreak on her life. Until Nakamura Kazuha came along and made it so much harder not to fall.

"How are you feeling?" Sakura asks. She doesn't need to explain what she means. Ever since Kazuha revealed her feelings for Chaewon and Chaewon revealed her jealous streak, it's become part of their nighttime routine for her to check in with Kazuha like this. Sakura wants to make sure she hasn't taken Chaewon's temper to heart. More than that, she wants to make sure Kazuha knows she doesn't have to hide her pain from everyone the way she's gotten used to doing.

"Watching them all over each other today, the whole time I was thinking that it should be hurting me so bad, and then I was wondering why it wasn't hurting me," Kazuha says, "To be honest, I haven't been thinking about her so much anymore."

Kazuha's introspection is interrupted by voices in the hallway, both girls holding their breath to better hear what's being said. Yunjin's voice comes loud and clear through the thin walls of the hotel.

"Can I please be alone? Can I at least have that?"

Sakura meets Kazuha's eyes, seeing her own dread reflected in them. Her fears are confirmed moments later, when the sounds of voices disappear and are replaced with muffled sobs.

"I should go check on her," Sakura says. Kazuha's hold around her immediately tightens and she smiles in spite of her worry.

"We can check on her tomorrow," Kazuha says quietly.

"Tomorrow?" Sakura prods the younger girl.

"She probably wants to be alone," Kazuha looks away before adding, "And I don't want you to move right now."

Sakura smiles, "Then I won't."

"Why don't they just kiss each other?" Kazuha asks innocently, "Why do they make everything so complicated?"

"You know how those two are," Sakura sighs, "They never feel anything small. It's like a hurricane meeting a wildfire. You and I aren't like that. We feel things more quietly."

"I feel so strongly sometimes I think I might burst open," Kazuha admits, "I just don't say anything. I don't know how to tell people."

"How do you feel now, Kazuha?" Sakura lightly traces Kazuha's jawline with her fingertips, watching the skin redden under her touch.

Kazuha hesitates for a moment, "I'm really happy to be with you like this."

"Me too," Sakura says.

"Sakura." Something in Kazuha's voice is different now, heavy, making Sakura's stomach tighten. "I want to kiss you right now."

That's my Zuha , Sakura thinks, finally telling me what she wants . She pushes Kazuha's hair out of her face, trying to resist what she wants more than anything. "We shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because you're still getting over Chaewon and maybe you'll be over me tomorrow and I don't want to get too attached to you when your feelings could change in a moment. And you're 19."

"You're not old, Sakura," Kazuha murmurs.

"I've been an idol for 11 years," Sakura says wryly, "That ages a person."

"You're not old," Kazuha repeats, "And I know I can't do anything to show you that my feelings won't change, and I know it's unfair for me to be saying all this when a few days ago I was crying over another girl, but what I'm feeling right now with you is different from anything I've felt before."

"Don't let me age you, Zuha," Sakura caresses her face, "You're so young, your feelings should change like the tides at this age."

"But I don't ever want to lose what I'm feeling right now."

"Me neither," Sakura admits.

"What are you feeling?"

Sakura smiles at the use of her own techniques against her, "That I want to kiss you, too. That things can be beautiful even if they're fleeting."

"Just like the tides," Kazuha says.

"Just like the tides," Sakura agrees.

The heat of Kazuha's lips in the freezing cold of the room raises goosebumps all across Sakura's body. Her fingers tangle in dark hair, needing something to hold onto to stop her head from spinning as Kazuha's lips move against hers. Then, as quickly as it happened, it's over and Kazuha is pulling back with exhilarated eyes.

"That's my first kiss," Kazuha says breathlessly.

"How was it?"

Kazuha hesitates and Sakura's heart drops. Did she not like it? Is she uncomfortable? Did I mess everything up?

"I don't know," Kazuha gives her a shy smile, "Let's try again just to be sure."

Sakura obliges the younger girl, leaning into her touch again and pushing the idea of the next morning out of her mind.