you're on your own, kid

Chapter 10 - Butter and Denial

"Are you going to come over?" Ivy said to me, as we were on FaceTime.

"Probably not," I replied.

"Mila?!"

"I know. I'm sorry." As I spoke to my sister, all I could think of was the girl who stood in front of me, cleaning the dishes, and putting away our dinner foods. It was so domestic, but appreciative. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Off Lena.

"MILA!" Ivy exclaimed.

"What?"

"It's like you're in your own little world." Maybe I was.

"I'm sorry. Why don't you come over? Be here for the start of the season." Her eyes, identical to mine, looked at me, and her brows furrowed. Although we looked similar, her brown hair contrasted my blonde, and her face had a youthfulness that only a 20-year-old could have. Whereas my 22-year-old body had lost any sense of innocence when I left home.

"Fine. But next time, you come here."

"Yes yes," I answered, chuckling softly. "Have you spoken to Papa recently?"

"A little, here and there. Did you send Mama the letter?"

"Just like clockwork," I answered.

"Good. And she hasn't replied?"

"Nope, once again, just like clockwork." There was a mutual sadness in both our eyes as we thought of her, in Ukraine, so isolated from us. From her family.

But we knew her feelings were different. She was never an emotional one. She never needed too much. As long as we were successful, that was enough for her.

"Just let me know," I continued to say, "when you're going to come and I'll get some things ready for us."

There were only a few weeks left of preseason until we were set to commence the new season and this time with fans. We knew having the crowds back would be better. The atmosphere and support would push us through anything.

Once the Olympics were over, in which Canada won the gold, with Sweden coming second, the USA third, and the Aussies fourth, all the girls were soon back. I was so disappointed for Frido, knowing that winning that gold would have meant so much. But, that was sport.

That was how it was sometimes.

"Now, welcome back everyone, especially our Olympians," Tommy, our manager, said to us. "You all were very amazing. We feel very proud here." Lena nudged me slightly, and I tried smiling. I tried forcing a grin out of my lips but it was impossible. I will never be able to forget that Olympic disaster class.

"Now, we have some new faces joining us this season. So, welcome to Lynn, Tabea, and Jill." Jill was sitting over with Lynn, and even being in the same room as my best friend, filled me with so much comfort and peace that I never knew I needed.

We soon went out onto the pitch, and I jumped onto Jill's back as we walked together.

"I can't believe you are here!"

"Neither," she laughed. I wrapped my arms around her neck, as she carried me onto the grass, before throwing me to the ground.

"HEY!" I screeched, spraying my extra water on her.

"Oh, Milly, you're going to regret that!" I stood up quickly, running away from her, before being tackled to the ground. "You may be fast, but I'm strong."

We trained that day, and just being back on the pitch, made me forget about everything. No more thinking of the Olympics, of family, of hurt, pain, past. Of her.

Except, I was always thinking of her. Whenever she passed me the ball, was on the end of one of my crosses, and smiled at me. I could never stop.

"Fuck, Mila," I said to myself, under my breath as I missed a pass because I wasn't looking at the ball, but rather her. This is going to be bad, I thought.