you're on your own, kid

Chapter 21 - I am Ukrainian

I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I held the football in my hands, throwing it up in the air and catching it on its descent. All I could think about was Mama and my family. I hadn't heard from her in years. I knew she was okay, but if an invasion were to happen, I wouldn't have a clue.

"Is she okay?" I heard a voice say, from outside the room. I knew who it was. Lena was worried, most likely having called Jill over to get some advice.

"What happened?" Jill answered. Their voices were simultaneously music and pain in my ears.

"I don't know. One second she was fine in the car, and the next she stopped talking."

"She's done this before."

"Has she?"

"She can get into this... spirals, I guess you could say."

"Spirals?"

"Yeah. Doesn't happen often. I think I've seen maybe four or five."

"How long do they last for?"

"Maybe a week, give or take."

There was a silence. I tried to close my ears. I tried to stop thinking.

"It's been two days already." Lena was worried. I could tell. I could hear the worry. But it wasn't her. It was my brain trying to find answers. It was my brain too tired to try.

"She'll come around."

One Week Later

I got out of bed that day.

I walked into the kitchen, sitting on the bar stool. Lena didn't acknowledge anything, and I was grateful for that. If this was a milestone, I didn't want it to feel like one.

"Eggs?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks."

I looked at my phone for the first time in a week, seeing the headlines that were running rampant.

RUSSIAN MILITARY moves troops and jets near UKRAINE and CRIMEA

FIGHTING ESCALATING in UKRAINE and surrounding borders

RUSSIA to announce invasion imminently

I threw my phone down, not wanting to know anymore.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked, passing me the food she had quickly whipped up.

"No," I responded, honestly.

"What can I do?" I smiled at her softly, before standing up and walking towards her. I wrapped my arms around her neck as she held my body close to her.

"Just be here," I answered. "Don't leave."

"I won't. I promise." She held me in her arms as I nuzzled my head into her neck.

I arrived at training for the first time in a week. No one knew what had happened. I had gone down with a chest infection, as per the club's release, when both Lena and Jill knew that wasn't the case.

When Jill saw me walking inside, she grabbed me softly.

"How you feeling?"

"Better." She nodded before we started training on the pitch. I was running around, with a ball at my feet, which was the best thing that had happened to me in a while. But as I did, all that ran through my head was visuals of what was happening. The war that was brewing in my home.

Over the next few days, so much started to happen. So many were releasing their thoughts, opinions, and voices on what was happening in my home. But to many, nothing was happening.