you're on your own, kid

Chapter 27 - What Makes You Human

It was the 119th minute. I was streaming down the field. France had just been awarded a penalty by the ref, but it was overruled. We had the momentum. I knew this was the moment. The moment to make a name. The moment to become the hero. The savior. The leader.

I had always dreamt about this moment. The moment when I could change the course of something big. The moment where if I just grabbed it with two hands it would be mine. I had faith, belief, and everything in between. I wanted this. I wanted the moment.

Earlier in the day, we were preparing for the match. France against the Netherlands, in the quarterfinal of the Euros. Whoever won would progress through to the semis. I stood near Jill for the entire day, walking with her, and feeling her calmness. I continuously reminded myself why she was, and always had been, my best friend. The person I trust more than life itself. She would talk away, chatting about everything and anything, trying to distract me from the stressed mind that was infiltrating my brain. My thoughts were not thinking; they were stressing.

Jill had been excited all day as Elke was going to be in the crowd today. Her and Jill's relationship was still unknown to most but I knew that soon it wouldn't be. It would get out sooner or later. But I was just happy for my friend. I was happy that she was happy. The giddy energy that she spread was useful, especially in personal times of crisis.

I hadn't spoken to Lynn much over the last few weeks. She was keeping to herself, and I could understand why. She was grieving a relationship that probably still hasn't ended. If one thing was known in my life, it was that Ivy and Lynn always found their way back to each other, and as the friend and older sister, I was almost always involved in some way. I tried to keep myself out of it, and not be too intertwined in their arguments and fights, but it was difficult.

This time, however, was different. Lynn didn't speak much to me, and neither did Ivy. My sister was ignoring my messages most of the time, and Lynn wasn't saying much during the day. She sat away from me at dinner and kept to herself.

I wanted to say something, and try to help her in some way, but I knew that it would more likely be better to leave it. She had her own thoughts, and so too did Ivy. I shouldn't get myself involved.

But everyone noticed Lynn's depressive mood. She was playing as well as she normally would, but the lack of energy was the elephant in the room. I wanted to run over to my friend, hug her and tell her it would all be alright, but I didn't. I stood by Jill and Viv, not saying anything. Maybe this makes me the villain. Who knows?

We made our way to the game against France, and were in the changing room beforehand. Viv was back for this game, thankfully, and the armband was given back to who truly deserved it. Oh captain, my captain.

Lining up, I looked into the crowd seeing a whole variety of people I recognised from the footballing world. I saw Ellie Carpenter, most likely here to support Daan, as they had been dating for several months now. I saw Lia Walti and Caitlin Foord as well, both with Miedema jerseys on, supporting their fellow Arsenal teammates and beside both of them was Tippah Jones. I turned to Jill, gesturing to Tippah.

"Look," I said, softly, as the national anthem started to play. "It's Tippah."

"Elke doesn't know she's here," Jill replied, looking somewhat worried.

"Jill, Elke is sitting next to Ellie." I saw Jill's eyes divert back to the crowd, and her eyes went somewhat wide. There was a deeper story here than neither Jill nor I knew much of. She knew more than me, obviously, but there was a stronger force playing here than just sisterhood between Tippah and Elke. There was a past that was unbreakable, and a bond that struggled. There was a tension that was obvious to anyone who looked. There was so much not being said, and yet everything was being laid on the table at the same time. I wanted to know but it wasn't my place. It never was.