Everything Has Changed: The Lost Years

Chapter 5: Umbrella

Quasi's nightmares were frequent, and expected. He woke every few days, thrashing and gasping, and even in terror managed to keep himself quiet, not wanting to bother the others sleeping in the house. It often left him frustrated and in tears, memories of a more painful existence playing behind his eyes, intrusive no matter how tightly he pulled the sheets over his head and squeezed his eyes shut. 

The only thing that really helped was thinking about Mich. He tried to imagine her hugging him tightly, stroking his hair, whispering that she would be there for him as long as he needed. She had tried to defend him from his father before, and he knew she would do it again if she was here, even if the man was only in his dreams. He wrapped his arms around himself, breathing slowly, and eventually the panic and terror settled into a tired unease.

He desperately wished she was here. It was nice to have friends, or at least people who didn't mind talking to him. And it was nice to have parental figures who wanted the best for him. But when he wanted comfort, he wanted her. She had provided it whenever he needed and he didn't know how to do this without her.

Barbara would find him later, light on in the early morning, and when she knocked on the door to find out if he was okay, she found him drawing.

"Are you alright, sweetheart? It's very late- well, early. You'll be tired at school."

Quasi ducked his head, embarrassed. "I had a nightmare. I couldn't sleep."

"Oh dear. Well, in that case, would you like some tea?"

Surprised again by the freely-offered kindness, he nodded, and looked down at the sketch of Mich's face he had been working on. Seeing her again, even if just in picture form, definitely made him feel better. Her picture smiled warmly at him, and he imagined her pleasant surprise at finding out he had drawn her again, her light joking that he had made her too pretty again. He finished it and got up to tape it to the wall, under the photos of his mother. Maybe she could act as a dreamcatcher.

"Who's the girl?" Barbara asked, peering in with a mug of tea for him. 

"S-someone nice," he said, taking the tea and letting the heat of the mug on his hands ground him. He wanted to elaborate, tell her all about Mich, what she had done for him, how he felt about her, but it felt too personal to share. And he wasn't sure that he wouldn't start crying if he started talking about how much he missed her. "Th-thank you. For the tea."

"Of course, Quasi." Barbara held her arms out. "Would you like a hug?"

He hesitated, but nodded, letting her pull him into her arms, resting his head against her chest. He could felt her heartbeat, slow and calm, and it wasn't the same as Mich hugging him, but it was good. Nice. Warm.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right Quasi?" she murmured above him, hands gentle on his back. 

He nodded. It would take some time, to talk about everything on his mind, but he knew he could trust her. When he was ready, he would make sure to make up for his silence.