𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐍.

Thirteen

Y'all seen Nicki tweet abt someone's vocals coming innn? 👀 praying for beynika againn

Onika Tanya.

I sat on the bed feeling nauseous but I couldn't throw up, I needed something to make me throw up because I hate this feeling so much.

Today we're moving houses again, I don't know exactly why, but from what I heard Beyoncés trying to find me. I want to tell her to stop trying, someone's gonna get hurt and they really want Beyoncé dead.

"Onika, I got you some food." My mom came into the room with a plate. Whatever was on the plate looked like it wasn't edible. They've been feeding me 'healthy' shit or probably straight protein to make me stronger.

"What is that?" I scrunched my face up.

"Don't do that to your face. I can already see a smile line." She handed me the food before leaving; not answering my question.

I really didn't miss these not needed comments from her and my father, hers stick in my head and repeat itself over and over again while my fathers felt like a stab to my heart, something I wanna cry over but I can't.

Their words are like wounds that leave a permanent scar, reminding me of the lowest point of my life or that I'll never be what they want me to be because I ran away, that's all I've been doing to 'solve' my problems, running or giving up, I never faced the problem head on. Maybe I am what they call me; weak. I wasn't meant for that mafia queen spot.

I poked at the food then smelled it. That triggered me and I started to gag. I ran to the bathroom dropping to my knees, throwing up into the toilet. I couldn't tell you why I'm throwing up or feeling nauseous everyday but I hateee it with my whole heart.

I washed my face off before brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror. My breast looked...bigger, was I gaining weight? They don't even feed me the right stuff so that I could gain weight.

I sighed forgetting about it and sitting back down on the bed. I was so miserable here, I hated every second of it. I missed sincere and Megan, even Beyoncé long neck ass.

I wanted to cuddle up on Beyoncé and lay in her arms all day like we used to. I would love to have that one more time because her presence is much appreciated. I love how comforting she is and how she can take a joke...most of the time. Even if it's offensive as hell she'll clap back with one ten times more worse, I'll get mad then we'll start arguing but other than that our bond was top tier.

I went over to the desk sitting down, grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil. This whole room was so bittersweet. I used to adore pink when I was little, I still kind of do but everything I owned was pink, my mom never complained about that.

This room brought back my childhood, a lot of shit went down then. The day I turned eight was the day everything changed. My parents stopped being parents, but instead they were only people who gave me a roof to live under and food to eat. My dislike for them grew but never overpowered the love I have for them.