A Sucker for Mania (let me explainia)

Chapter 3 Let Things Go (Grow)

Like my titties fuzzy. Like my girls cuddly. Like my tea green. Like the obscene. Don't ya know what I mean? Like James Dean. Pisses me off though. Rebel Without a Cause has flaws. It's really colossal. Makes me mad. Great title, right? Bowie used "Rebel" too, think he repeated it twice, ok title I guess, not like The Man Who Sold the World. Ouch! Right? Big man, little man? White? Negro? Bet it wasn't a black man who sold the world. Do persecuted people sell big things like worlds?

I bought something off the street where they walk with beaten feet, they would wear cleats but this ain't a game to them. This is not a playing field level commensurate with any actual game that should be actually played. Any war that should be actually waged.

I'm dizzy. Getting clogged in the brain, deranged, I like to use the brain when I can. I like to be a better man. Not like stupid movies or the actors we love to watch in them. Bruce Willis was a god in Die Hard. Handsome man, right? Nice features. Rugged, like a head like a jug. Big guy, of course he ain't peddlin' rap compilation CDs of their own devising, John McClane was a cop, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perfect, exactly the right place at the right time. That's a cop.

Motherfucker Hans Gruber, right? That Harry Potter teacher right, read the first one, very good. Can't think of that fella's name. Classically trained. Best damn villain ever. Takes over Nakatomi Plaza, right?

Tripping, tripping...

"Why do you wanna be a cop John?" Nobody asks him that, in all the sequels. Ya know what we get? That flat foot, fat, rotund, black guy who went onto "Family Matters?" Sitcom? Never watched it. What does he say when he divulges to John, when he entrusts him with the horrors of their gig? He shot a kid, that's why he has a desk job. Carl? No. Kid's name...?

He didn't say.

Could you imagine an action movie where this dialogue is exchanged, where you actually say the name of the kid you accidentally killed? Let's see it in action!

CARL (over walkie talkie, responding to John's groans): John? What's going on, pardner? Where are you? (Wipes his brow. Very concerned.)

Beat.

INT BATHROOM – CONTINUIOUS

John is sitting atop the counter, his bloody feet embedded with glass. He is picking each piece from his foot gingerly, face cringing.

JOHN: Yeah, Al. Kinda busy now, ya know. I'm fine. Having a blast thanks for the concern. (whimpers)

AL (chuckles unconvincingly): Hey buddy what's happening?

JOHN: Al, I want you to tell my wife something.

AL: Hey now you can tell that yourself when you get down here.

JOHN: I want you to say... I've said I loved her a thousand times. Done the fucking things you're supposed to do! At least I thought I did. You tell her Al that I'm sorry. You say to her, "John, says he's sorry." That's the one fucking thing I've never said... Ah!

AL: John?

JOHN: Yeah good buddy?

AL: We got a pool on you here.

JOHN: Oh yeah what kinda odds am I getting?

AL: Not good. But I put down my whole income, all my money on you John and I'm looking for my payday. I'm a flatfoot John. I killed a kid, name was.... John. Funny, right? I mean as in coincidental in names I mean...

Al releases the button of his CB and takes a moment. Stifles a cry. Puts his head down and props it up with a fist. He cries. "Why?!" He hits his head hard, almost callously like he is shifting, sifting through the grains of sand trying to find his place, the actual spot where his hand touches the smallest grain, the smallest particle, that essence, right? Where is the beginning, and how do I get there again?