Hold My Hand

Chapter Six

The delicious aroma of grilled meat wafted in the hall and pleasantly irritated my stomach. When I stepped into my flat, my mother seemed unusually happy and joyful.

- Mary!

-Yes!

- Look, what an amazing idea I've come up with!

For a moment, I thought if she was going to book tickets to England, but this thought was soon dispelled because we really did not have the financial opportunity to do so. The momentary joy disappeared without a trace, and my heart was slightly saddened, I felt a little sad, and the previous 0.03-second admiration burned in my heart.

- What is it? - I asked reluctantly.

- You can invite any of your four friends for the New Year's!

It wasn't the same as going to England, but it was alright. Well, better than I expected.

- Wow! Cool! Thank you very much! - I made a surprised face and hugged her as if she made my cherished dream come true.

She really couldn't have done more for me. And for that, I was really grateful, even though it didn't make my "dream" come true, my reaction wasn't fake, even though I exaggerated a little just not to hurt her feelings. 

Nevertheless, in the depths of my heart, I wished that the longed-for moment would come to me someday.

However, I expected this from myself more than anyone else.

At home, the air diffusion of the cake "being" in the oven caused it to spread and circulate throughout the room. In a few minutes, the air mixed with the scent made our small apartment pleasant and cozy.

I sat down in the chair in the corner and opened "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" on my lap. At the end of November, the cloud brought by the wind did not spoil my mood at all, on the contrary, it reigned coziness in a warm house and made me smile from one ear to another. I didn't even remember the story of the morning. Nor the emotions and heartache experienced in the past. These few seconds were enough to forget everything wrong. Nor was I filled with excessive joy. It's just that neither sadness burned like a stone on my heart, nor did happiness excite me. I didn't care about emotion. I just sat in the armchair  the world described in the book and experienced a pleasure that I wanted to continue for the rest of my life.

And, of course, everything has an end. Nothing is eternal. Even life, if not the momentary pleasure that I knew, would end in the blink of an eye with troubles, arguments and events around me.

Finally, I myself had to destroy my cozy environment and reduce it to ashes. Oh, this duty! How he knows how to invade the human world and turn the sweet syrup into a poisonous poison. The pleasure disappears in a second and it's still the same! Those books, those pens...

I wanted to run away forever.

However, I knew that this would not last forever.

This too will end when at the door of heaven or hell

I'll have to knock.

I will suffer forever or I will finally feel peace. endlessly.

Then at least I will find myself.

-"And maybe something should be changed? Maybe I don't have to wait until I go into the ground?" I thought to myself.

Maybe I had the ability to escape this world...

I think I could.

who knows!