Hold My Hand

Chapter Seven

After completing my duty, I decided to take a walk and feel the cold beauty of the last days of November once again. The first days of the coming winter brought sadness and a gloomy mood, which was already transferred to this windy evening of November 28 and unusually reached the human soul. I wanted to wander alone and think. I just wanted to think, nothing else. I no longer wanted to look at bare trees and make them come alive in my imagination. It wasn't even necessary to stand on the street and shiver, that could have been done from the windows of my flat. Of course, if unnecessary and pointless talking was not an obstacle. Unfortunately or fortunately, I was rarely allowed to think deeply. Deep in my heart, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it even now, although the attempt is half the success, it is said, and I also called:

- I'm going for a walk!

The expected answer did not delay:

- You can't go anywhere without permission, young lady! it's too late!

I smiled bitterly. I thought, it was not worth worrying about, and quickly forgot about it.

What happened in the morning reminded me a little of itself, and then it got stuck in a corner of my mind again, as it had come out for a moment.

Luckily, I was given a chance to think in complete silence. 

I shook my head a little, curled up in a corner, rested my head on my knees, and sighed.

Change. Only change. I had to take a step to make a slight change in my life. I was tired of talking, sleeping, reading, playing, drawing, dreaming, and listening to the singer in front of the house for his muffled acoustics. I was fed up with the everyday routine.

But what could I do?! 

"Trying is half the success!" - I remembered a favorite proverb.

"What do I want?.."

"What is hidden in the depths of the heart..."

"Mary, wake up!"

...

"I'm not confident enough!"

"I'm not brave enough!"

"What do you REALLY want, Mary?"

"I think I know..."

"WHAT?"

"I want to write..."