Hold My Hand

Chapter Twelve

"Breathing...

How boring.

These same unintellectual, idiot people, always telling you what to think, what to do, making you feel like they're better than you... Oh, how much I hate them! This disgusting fakeness that keeps pouring into you from them... The jealousy, and self-questioning, that makes you stop developing...

Heartbeats...

It's boring."

***

The next day, the mood of the previous day would remain the same. Everything at school was organized like clockwork. The person sitting next to me no longer had such a rough expression as before, and I was no longer afraid of his blue eyes. I firmly decided not to ask him anything more.

My overly cold attitude became noticeable to Alex within an hour.

While standing in the hall during the break, I heard:

- Mary, come here!

- What's up?

- I'm upset and I'm mad at you.

I knew the reason for both of them well and considered disobedience as rudeness. 

- What is it

- First: How do you know who he is and why you haven't talked to me for so long? Second: What is wrong with you today?

I answered the first question. 

- And what's wrong with you today?

- That he called me simple-minded because I showed the slightest disobedience. And may I ask how is that your business? 

- You are not simple-minded.

- Thank you! I think there is a difference between rudeness caused by directness and arrogance.

- Right... And what did you answer?

- That he can do whatever they want, but it's not necessary to treat others like morons. 

- Did you yell at him?

- No.

- Did you cry?

- Shut up!

- Great. You're behaving differently.

- I don't know.

- I do. You seem more ignorant to him. 

- Leave it, Alex.

- Trust me, he'll soften up.

- I don't care. - it wasn't quite true, but it wasn't a lie either. I was just curious. 

- Yeah, sure... - I knew what his tone and cunning face meant.

- Alex!

- Trust me.

- Alright!

- I won't say a word to anyone. - he made a finger gesture as if he was sewing his mouth shut.

- Really, - he said for more persuasiveness.

- Okay! 

- You're like me. 

- No, I'm not! - I was a bit mad, but I knew he was kinda right.

- You are looking for something new, but can't find it.

- Maybe you're right.

- Me neither. It's just we have other interests but the same goals. 

- Yes, we both want to have a high level of education and knowledge. 

- What are you thinking of becoming?

- Absolutely no idea. 

- So, haven't you thought about becoming a criminalist?

I understood where the topic was heading.

- Stop! And don't look at me like that! - I could not help my smile.

- Like what?! 

- I said stop! 

- Alright, the bell's ringing. I'm gonna talk to you later.

- Sure! - I was already tired of explaining myself to everybody.

I got the same frozen face again and sat down at the desk.

The day passed completely normally, without excessive emotional pressure and fatigue. Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays were my turn to take care of the classroom. So I waited for the class to be empty that day as well.

But as always, I could never fulfill my obligation without finding myself in an awkward situation.

I decided to remain indifferent and smiled to neutralize the situation. It helped me and I completely forgot about the person sitting behind me. Soon I was singing with passion and using the broom as a microphone. The walls of the classroom gave me an echo and I enjoyed hearing my own voice. However, my pleasure did not last long, and in a few minutes, I woke up as if cold water had been poured on my head.

- I will always love you...

- I'm sorry?!- I shouted, but I soon realized that he meant the title of the song and calmed down.

- It's your favorite song, isn't it? 

Silence.

- The only pleasure I have left in this world, which will soon be taken away from me...

again.

I looked back.

The blue eyes were "staring" at me harshly and the "glimpse" was burning my back.

I glanced at him, but he couldn't even know. 

I looked deeply. I couldn't see anything but the endless blue space. The vast sea spread out before my eyes and held the reflection of thousands of brilliant stars. The surface shimmered in many ways, it caught the eye, but it was impossible to go down to the bottom. The mysterious darkness attracted a man like a magnetic field and forced his inquisitive nature to drown himself to solve the mysteries hidden in its depths. It was trying man's patience so that he would not try to bring to the surface the secret it had been keeping through questioning. Even one question and the door to enter would be closed forever. But has it ever been open?!

I heard a muffled sigh exhale from my lungs.

- Why the only one?

- I believe you already know. - something was unusual about his tone of voice. 

- However, I think it should not be the only one.

- It's the only one, Mary. But it might not have been...

I felt a faint pity. Although he could not notice the imprint on my face, I tried to hide it. The changed voice would cause him an uncomfortable feeling, and the slightly modified character would return to its old, usual state. 

I gave up and sat on the desk.

- But still, why? 

- That's enough... - he got up. He reached the threshold by clapping his hands. Then he went out into the corridor and completely disappeared from sight.

In five minutes the school was empty.

Alex met me at the door.

- Was I right? - asked he as if he had just won a bet.

...

- Yes.