Hold My Hand

Chapter Ten

I was petrified. It was beyond my ability to raise my voice and say a word. Being tongue-tied, I only managed to stay silent.

 Two drops of tears were rolling down the cheeks from the corners of the eyes towards the chin and eventually pooled near the chin. I hated myself for tearing up with pity I had towards a person, I called my friend. I realized, how rotten my soul was and how lightweight these two drops of tears were compared to hers; they were a hundred and a thousand times heavier than mine, tears of momentary empathy. The severity was caused by the kind of maddening pain that comes from rubbing salt on an open wound. Nutsa was boiling from inside. Her heart was torn apart and boiling blood was pouring out in the form of tears.

Any words here would be out of place and redundant, and the most repellent of them all was "I understand..."

What could you understand? You didn't even know what the word "brother" meant! Of course, you understand "perfectly"! You are spewing lofty thoughts here! Who the hell are you to let these two words out of your cursed mouth?! What do you feel? You coldhearted donkey! How can you share the pain if you don't experience it? You f*cking liar!

I knew that whatever I would have said, would be filled with revolting fakeness, hurting Nutsa more and forcing her to answer me, so I decided not to say a word. I thought the best decision would be to leave her with her thoughts, not to interrupt her with my philosophical opinions. Due to that, I slowly moved away from her.  Nutsa lowered her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand. As I thought, she didn't even notice my absence.

- "Ptooey! What a coward, coward, and disgusting you are! You dumped your friend without even saying a word! You fraud!" I growled in my heart and stopped at the threshold. I noticed from the window that the bell for the last lesson was only one minute away.

-"Should I go back or not... Oh!" I sighed and changed my side. I ran to the wide corridor again. same window. 

- I'm sorry... I don't know what to say, really, because I can never say the word "I understand", I just can't understand and that's it. I don't have a brother to feel the pain caused by his loss, I told her directly.

- You are right... you know, nobody is happy. Life would be wonderful if it weren't for fakeness, death, and cancer...

- That's right... However, I won't understand that either.

- I know that too.

- Today is November 29.

- It was 28 yesterday.

-"Yesterday..."- flashed in my head.

I didn't ask anything more. In eight seconds the bell ended all the inconvenience.

Oh, this helplessness... everyone is so helpless in the face of death...

Has anybody ever defeated death?

No. Is it possible to defeat God?!