The Black The white and the grey.

Chapter 38 | This is marriage.

Kaboentle.

"Okay Mrs Gumede, it seems like the baby is doing okay and your body seems to be doing the work to ensure that the baby is safely secure which is an amazing sighn with the makings of a strong heartbeat from our little pumpkin.Your Vitals are doing good and your body is also picking up, overall I am seeing some good results, if we keep it this way we might be able to keep our baby full term without any complications."

The docter explains as she puts the ultrasound machine down. And she hands me a towel and Siya takes the liberty of cleaning me up.

"So when will my bleeding stop, it's been almost five days now."

"The bleeding should take well over a week ro two but this will not compromise the health of your baby, your doing amazing."

She explains and I lean my head against the head rest and I smile.

When I am all cleaned up we move back into the office and she explains further about my progress and she tells us that she will be sending my results of the check up back to my OB gyn In KZN and we then make our way back to the royal airstrip with Siya awfully quiet.

The silence between us is defening but right now more than anything I am appreciative of the fact that he is still able to hold my hand after everything but my heart is still filled with a lot of mixed emotions. A lot of fear for our marriage, a lot of fear to get to understand exactly how deep does the damage go within our marriage.

Losing our baby has definitely backtracked all of the progress that we had made from the very beginning and I am afraid my abandoning him may have cause all of that extent of damage to ripple through our vulnerabilities.
But I am okay now and I am ready to weather through any and everything that life can throw at us, starting with my husband. Starting with letting him know I am here and I am never leaving his side again.

I grab his hand a little tighter and I give it a little squeeze and I look up at Siya who's eyes are fixated on the road.

"I missed you."
I tell him and he stops at a red light and he stares at me too. Patient eyes and all.
He's different from the man that I last spoke to.

The man I last spoke too seemed intentional with his word, the man I last spoke to was willing to lose everything that we had worked for.
The same man that had scolded at me one night I asked about his brothers wife.

I am aware that this side of him exists, the side that craves control the side that asserts dominance and a side I often take pleasure in bringing out more especially in our bedroom but not anywhere outside of that.

A side that's rough and a side that's often careless with my emotions but I love him regardless. Different sides and all. He's the man that I made a conscious commitment towards, a man that I promised myself I'd weather through life besides and I damn myself for ever wanting to be apart from him, for ever letting my fear control me.

He promised me that he'd be by my side, he promised that he'd protect me and he promised that he'd provide and he promised to love me and we both know that love comes with a lot of forgiveness and a lot of effort.

I look at him and realise that my family didn't make a mistake by bringing us together.

He looks at me and he brings my hand to his lips and he places kisses on it.
Feather light, supple and gentle kisses. He brushes my hand and he places it over his thigh and his thumb brushes the spot he's just left a kiss on.

"I missed you too."
He finally says and a small smile appears on my face before he gives me a small smile of his own and he shakes his head at me.

"Get a wife they said... it will all be worth it."
He quotes before I giggle at him and he smiles at me again and he finally presses on the gas when the stop light turns green.