The Black The white and the grey.

Chapter 44 | i dont deserve you.

Kaboentle.

"What do you think about this one ?"

She asks as she looks at me for approval and I tilt my head at her in uncertainty.

"I don't know, If he will like it. We don't really know him that well as of yet and neither do we know the things he likes."

"Granted but your dealing with an experienced mom here of two boys. I know what i am saying."

"I get that, but it's different with this one. I'd like to assume that he's almost the same as Siya mabye even likes the same things. So I'd like to create a more child like version of Siya if he doesn't like it, we will recreate something else."

"It sounds to me like you have this on lock down."

"I don't, I am barely keeping my head up. I haven't even started shopping for thumbelina and things are already getting hectic at work."

"But she won't be here in four more months."

"Four months feels like a lot of pressure."

She tilts her head at me as her golden brown eyes continue to pierce into me in concern when I should be the one concerned after what happened at Siyas fathers Gala. I'm surprised she's even able to hold her head up so soon. Knowing Anele it's shocking how quickly she was able to rise from this... and I am happy more than anything about how she's handled it.

"All of that anxiety is going to rush away the moment she's in your arms... you'll see."

"I hope so."
I tell her as I give my belly a little rub when the baby starts to apply a little too much pressure on my pelvis from the inside.

"Is Thumbelina cooking up fine in there ?"

She asks as she gives my belly a little rub as well and I look at her again.

"She's doing okay, I'm starting to think that she's growing a little too big too quickly and my body can't handle it."

"I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Sibonelo, it's just your bodies way of letting you know that this intruders needs to leave ASAP."
She says and giggle as she continues to sooth my belly and it feels nice.

Siya does this every now and then when he's not avoiding me. When he actually misses us. Or when he actually misses spending time with our baby. What amazes me is how much he's invested in this, i don't know how many times I've caught him looking into baby furniture or clothes.

She calms down from the kicks and she settles in.

"Are you excited for baby number three ?"
I ask as she continues to gently sooth my belly.

"I am excited, I am hoping for a girl more than anything. I love the idea of having baby girl,I've always wanted a baby girl ?"

"But does it scare you that she might possibly be albino and face the same stigma that you faced while growing up ?"

"It scares me to death. And I hate that it's the first thing I thought of when I found out about the pregnancy. But also having been through what I've been through, I feel I am educated enough to help her through it."

"It's good to hear you say that."

"What did Siya say when you found out the gender ?"

She asks and I take over rubbing my belly now, smiling as the thought of our ultrasound plays back in my head.

"Siya was the happiest man on this planet that day."
I say and she smiles again

"And I was happy too of course but I think also knowing that she'll have a big brother that will get to look out for her was a lot more comforting too.