PEREGRINATE

CHAPTER 20

It was on the day that marked three months since I arrived here I realized something was very wrong. I had not had my periods in these months. The first month, I had skipped them entirely. I chalked it up to the stress from time traveling. In the second month, I had delayed spotting. I was ecstatic that the period was not that heavy as I had no idea how I could have survived on a cloth pad and slaved all over the castle with cramps.

Even Isha noticed my lack of periods and had asked about it. After making some excuse about it being delayed for some reason I had started faking it. I was washing rags and placing hot water bags for cramps. I was even encouraged to stay in bed the first day by the other girls. The guilt could have made me sick if the worry and anxiety had not made me physically ill already. Sudden bouts of nausea and dizziness made Nani assign me tasks on the grounds of the castle, claiming the fresh air would help me.

"Hey, you have been churning that same pot for quite a long time. I don't think you will get any more butter from that pot." Isha interrupted my musings. I apologized for spacing out and moved on to fetch another pot of fresh cream. 

Without Inder around my mind went into overdrive while performing the chores. He was off to the neighboring kingdom and was supposed to be back within two days. Yet it had been a fortnight since he left. His safety would have been another thing on my mind if he had not written to us. He had to extend his stay as his help was needed.

Without his nonstop commentary, I was forced to turn my attention toward the actual issues on hand that I was wilfully ignoring all this while. I had not told anyone who I was nor did I meet a single person who could know why I was here. Even though I was able to acclimatize myself to this situation and find allies, I felt out of place. Most nights I would play out the various scenarios in my mind. The one that drenched me in cold sweat was the one in which I had to live the rest of my life here.  Most of the day is spent in domestic drudgery, week after week. The work was physically tiring and most days would end with bone-deep tiredness. In the dark of the night, I would miss the comforts of home, my dad, the freedom.

Most of the servants did not even know how to read or write. Literacy was not accessible to all. Once I had picked up a sheet of paper from the floor of the king's room and had just read the first line when it was snatched from my hands. Isha genuinely looked alarmed and quickly placed it on the table and dragged me away to our room.

"Maitri, you must know better than to read. We are not supposed to meddle with the masters' possessions. Have you suffered a head injury?" She threw up her hands in the air in defeat. "There are some days when I could say with absolute certainty that you have been replaced by someone else. Your body has remained the same and yet you seem to no longer know about the rules and practices of the society." She wagged her finger in my face. After giving me the sternest look that I have ever received in my life, she stormed away.

Isha's admonishes rang in my ears for the majority of that day. They had upset me greatly and I could find myself wiping my tears at the most inopportune times. I yearned to tell her that I was different. That she might have lost her sister forever. All these moments weighed my heart and I could not help but release a sigh as if to lighten the burden.

"What is that release of breath there? Are you tired already? It is not even lunchtime yet." Isha left her pot on fire and approached me. She was making ghee. After making sure no one was around she took the rope of the madani and set it aside.

"I worry about you, sister. For the most of the day, you look tired. These past few days you have lost in your thoughts. At night I can hear you tossing and turning over. And when you do fall asleep, sounds of low whimper and gasp fill the room. What is haunting you?" She placed her hands on my shoulders and peered down at me.