Love or Lust *MAJOR EDITING*

0.9

✧ Desiree

"All you do is hit em' and quit em' Espinosa" I said standing up gathering my things. "and I'm not looking for that" I said as I walked back into the school.

I don't understand why he doesn't get that through his head. I'm maybe be a bitch but it doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I don't just want a "one night thing". that's not who I am.

i want something real. a guy who wants me for me. not just his sex toy. I want to be in a relationship before I lose my virginity.
what! your a virgin?!?
yeah yeah I know I'm a virgin. spread it all over.

is it bad that I want to save it for someone special? it's important to me and I don't want to just give it to a random guy.

sure, I have feelings for Matt. but I know he doesn't feel the same. he just wants a one night stand.

yet, it's kind of my fault that I don't share my thoughts and feelings. I keep it to myself. I just write it all in my journal. my thoughts and feelings all down in the blue cover back notebook. it's not so much diary because I put my thoughts and feelings into stories.

right now I'm writing about a girl who falls in love with a boy who doesn't fall in love. wonder where I got the idea right.

my thoughts were imteruppeted. I knock into someone and my journal falls right out of my hand. i reach down quickly to pick it up but Britney beat me to it. she flips through the pages but I grab it from her hand. she stares at me.

"what is that?" she said pointing to the notebook. I look at the notebook and back at her.

"it's my math notebook." I said sternly

"really? because there is stories written all over it, no math" she hisses back. I gulp.

"does someone have a journal or even better a diary?" she said stepping closer as I stepped back. my teeth gritted. I remember the three strikes rule and i can't get strike three.

"little Desiree has a diary, oh how cute. let's read it, shall we?"

"what the fuck do you want with me Britney?" I said gritting my teeth once again.

"stay away from Matthew or I will find your diary and post it everywhere" she turned on her heels and walked down the hall.

"last time I checked he keeps coming to me" I said

I grabbed my journal and looked at the pages to see if they were damaged or ripped. Thank the gods they weren't. I looked at the last story I written and finished the last paragraph before class started.

---

The girls and I are going over to my house to "study for geometry". I grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and met them in the basement where my favorite room was. The basement was were I spent most of my time other than my room. I had dance parties down there and now I can have dance parities with friends.

"FOOD!" Amanda shouted and grabbed the bag of barbecue chips out my hand. I laughed and sat down next to Scarlet as we watched The Heat, the fucking best movie ever.

"where's Gianna?" I asked right when she walked in. Her hair was a mess and she was only wearing a tank top and shorts. Her cardigan was in her hands and her bags were Slouching on her arm.

"sorry, i'm late" she says as she sets her stuff down. she sits next to us and i smirk at her.

"what?" she asks as she starts to blush.

"you just fucked hayes didn't you?" i asked. she looked down. her face was redder than a tomato.

we all started jumping up and down screaming "Hanna,hanna" which is their ship name.

"okay, go shower because you smell like it" i said as i shooed her to the bathroom. she laughed and returned later for some girls night.

"so scarlet, you and sammy?" amanda asks as scarlet starts to choke on a chip. chelise and shannon start laughing at the same time like always, twins.

"umm...so you and matt huh?" scarlet asks as she tries and changes the subject. i laugh and shake my head.

"first, don't change the subject because we are talking about this, but i do have to tell you guys something" they nodded urging me to continue.

"matt invited me to this party, well forced to me to go to this party and i was like well that if i don't? and he says i will be punished" scarlet gasped causing me to look up at her.

"desiree, go to that party"

"why?"

"don't fuck around with matt, when he means punished, he will punish. it's not the good way either"

oh shit. what the fuck did i get myself into?

sorry it published before I could finish but yeah.