Love or Lust *MAJOR EDITING*

1.3

wow omg i haven't updated in awhile, i'm sorry i just have been so busy. thanks for the 700+ reads

✧ Desiree

the rest of the week was a blur. jack has been around more lately and i am not complaining. we are started to create a real friendship once again. matt and i still have not spoken to each other. i'm not sure how i feel about it. is it bad that i miss him?

i sigh as gianna and i are get ready for a party that i really don't want to go, but she's dragging me along.

apparently it's matt's birthday party and i was invited but after the incident i would agree not.

i put on my outfit and got ready to leave. i sighed as Gianna came out looking happy and shit, it made me want to vomit.

"come on, lighten up" she said doing a dance.

"you are just happy because you and your boyfriend are going to fuck later" i gave her a glare. she sighs and pulls me over to the bed and we sit down.

"listen, what matt did was wrong and you totally handled it perfectly but don't let him stop you from having a good time with friends. plus, i'll make sure he stays away" she grinned and i smiled.

"oh fun" i said as we stood up and headed out the door.

---

the party was bigger than i expected it to be. the smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies filled my nose. the loud music vibrating my feet as i walked into the house.

my eyes glance over the crowd of people looking for one person. i don't even know why I am. i hate him so much, yet something pulls me back to him.

"you like him" my conscience says to me as I shake my head denying the fact that could happen. do I?

gianna snapped me out of my self argument and pulled me over to our group. sammy had his arm protectively around scarlett waist. jj was leaving Amanda small kisses on cheek and neck. the couples made me want to barf.

"i need a drink" i said and walked to the table full of alcohol. I sighed as i won't be finding a non-alcoholic drink and took a beer. i took a big swig of it, the liquid making me cringe.

i decided to look around since this is matt's house. damn, i can't this boy off my mind. the old pictures of him and his brothers made me laugh. i rolled my eyes at the pictures f him and his new squad. i liked the old pictures. he looked happy. one picture in particular caught my attention, a picture of him with a girl. she was a skinny girl with tan skin. i wasn't to focused on that as i looked at matt's look towards her. his eyes gleamed with excitement. his smile was genuine. his hand around her waist was tight and protective. he looked happy and in love.

my mouth kind of dropped open. i mean matthew espinosa in love. i mean she was a flawless girl but i was surprised that he didn't just ditch her let alone have a picture of him on his wall.

"DESIREE!" jack called me from the other room. i rolled my eyes and walked back.

---

we were all sitting in a circle just talking when someone suggested to play truth or dare. sadly, i couldn't back out before amanda pulled me over to the circle. i sighed and joined as i had no choice.

sammy was being dared to lick hayes foot. it's was a stupid dare but his face after was hilarious. while we all laughed, matt had join the circle. he sat across from me. he acknowledged my presence and i tried to not acknowledge his. after our laughter died down, i met his gaze. our eyes stared into each other and for some reason i couldn't pull away. he smiled slightly. i could tell what he was thinking. that he was okay and forgiven. i smirked and looked over at jack. i could see matt's head drop out of the corner of his eye.

"matt, trurh or dare" jack said smirking at me. i looked at him as i knew what he was going to do next.

"dare" matt said. a smirk forming on his face.

"seven minutes in heaven in that closet" he said pointing to the closet down the hall, "with desiree" his smirk faded from his face. my eyes glared over at jack. he smiled over at me, proud of his work. a dare is a dare.

i stood up and walked towards the closet. on my way, i may have "accidentally" spilled my drink all over jack's lap which may or may not have made everyone laugh.

matt was in front of me. he walked towards the closet. his back standing tall and the tight shirt hugging him showed his muscles. his pants wrapped around him in all the good parts. damn it desiree.

he opened the door and allowed me in first. i sat down on the box as he sat across from me on the floor. his angry looked turned into a smile.

"i'm not doing-" he put his hand up interrupting me.

"i just want to talk" he said and i nodded. all i wanted to do was ask, why? so many questions started to fill my mind. my mouth opened to speak but slowly shut as he began to speak.

"you want to know why, don't you?" i nodded not being able to speak as if he read my mind.

"do you want to know why i don't care about girls feelings? why i just leave them?" i nodded once again waiting for answers.

"back in freshman year, there was a girl named bayleigh. she had long blonde hair that was down to her butt. she had big green eyes that i got lost in. she was tall, but i still towered over her. she had a distinct smell that i loved. she was new at the school and i was determined to talk to her. she walked into my first period and sat next to me. i smiled at her, thinking of what to say. thankfully she dropped her pen. we both went to pick it up and our hands touched. i swear i felt fireworks. she pulled her hand away and blushed. i swear my heart smiled." he said pausing looking off imagining. as for me, my mouth dropped open. i was in pure shock. never in a million years would i guess that matt would say something that sweet about someone, especially a girl. he looked over at me and shook his head.

"that summer came around and we started dating. well i got into a bad gang and hid it from her, protecting her. she knew something was up and followed me to the gang's office which no one was suppose to come to. they got ahold of her and-" he stopped as tears started to fall, "killed her" he whispered. i gasped and a tear actually fell from my eye. he brought his knees to his chest.

"i got out of the gang and that's when my life just kept spiraling down hill. i got into drinking and having a lot of sex. i still have nightmares of them killing her, the image playing in my head." he let go of his knees and sat up straight. his dark eyes met mine.

"then you came, and i knew there was something about you that attracted me. it's that you are just as innocent as she was, even if you hid it behind your bad girl appearance. you just as beautiful. i felt those fireworks that i felt with bayleigh, but i didn't want to believe it and i still don't" he said as he looked at his phone seeing the seven minutes are up. he stood up and walked out slamming the door. i sat there processing what just happened and ran after him.

i can't wait for the next chapter oh shit