Some Memories Hurt the Same

at least sometimes, it stays there.

lately, I chose to hold my tongue from the days of my almost and uncertainty because perhaps, I could suspend myself from remembering the times grieving and lost when things are just breaking and falling apart. Like something is pulling over to how it should be or was ever meant to be. I don't know. maybe, because I don't find any settlement from leaving behind the doorsteps. from running away on the ninth streets after knowing truths or rushing my way back to only thing I knew I could go home or nothing at all. but maybe most is, from not forgetting the same things I've been, and I guess they are never gone. and if I was asked why...I got nothing but complete torture of memories. happiness, love, promises and worst could be these unhealed wounds. this pain inside my chest, piercing and still coming through or even worst, in places where I go or every morning waking up with unfamiliarity. and I realize I am battling for everything, and none were trying to hold me or somehow meet me there and save me. what all I did was trying to show I'm unbothered. at least. so, I could stay there, hoping in silence. in mumbled desperate prayers. secret letters. embrace of nothingness or in between the lines of forgiving while they are all leaving. when all I could ever been mostly are a lot more terrible for how many times it seems. at midst of ranging voices inside my head, uncalm, loud and perhaps in my trembling hands and sobbing at 2 am. maybe, a cold night just like this...more like this when sorrows whispering in the wind and ocean waves calls me to sleep agonizing, until my feet have its mind to go over the waters and drowned me while these things were all mixtapes continuously playing inside my head until they were all just chaotic. until I am just achingly breathing...

and I am now.

but then suddenly, I heard your voice. I heard you called my name like I belonged there. from dying to have me home and give me warmth. your gentle touch and solace came. that moment...that kind moment, the noise of these things holding me constantly faded and replaced by your words that I knew would made me live for days and night, when I couldn't. and for one thing I became so sure that I have to endure more and more for a while now. I guess I had to when it's all I've been through because, you knew it well. you knew it all well how to handle it like flowers in your hands. and when you said to be here and sometimes not...

I knew you'd stay for a little more while.

--

SolenneDream.