Our Song ON HOLD

20. Fast

Libbie POV

This morning Damian had a gym date with Rhea so I decided to take the opportunity to do some more of my research since being alone meant that he wasn't around to stumble upon me looking at stuff.
In all honesty my decision was all but made and I had already taken steps to action my decision, there was just a couple more things I wanted to look into and then I would discuss everything with Damian.

I had decided to laze pool some while I did my research it seemed more of a relaxing environment then the bedroom or the kitchen and I wanted go to be at ease so that I could consider everything calmly.

Just then my phone rings startling me a little, picking it up I look at the screen and my heart is immediately in my throat. I swallow hard and take a deep breath before answering the call.

"Hello?" I answer nervously

"Hi there am I speaking to Liberty Foster?" The woman asks

"Yes that's me but please call me Libbie" I say

"Alright Libby, my name is Sally and I'm calling from the agency regarding your application to find a surrogate" she says "we have a lady I think would be perfect for you and your partner, her name is Lillianne and she has helped several women like yourself become mothers"

"Oh" is all I can say at first "I'm sorry that's great I just......didn't expect it to happen that fast I thought I would have more time"

"It doesn't always but you've been lucky" she says "you seem a little hesitant though are you sure this is the path you want to take?"

"Yes......yes absolutely" I say "it's just I haven't had chance to discuss any of this with my partner yet, I thought this part would take a while and I'd time to do that........god this is such a mess I've done it all backwards haven't I" I sigh

"Maybe a little, but alot of women find it easier to make the decision alone becuase then they feel like they made the decision for the right reasons" she says "I can give you a couple of weeks, speak to your partner see how he feels and then we can set a date for you to meet her of you decide to go ahead?"

"Can I ask something?" I ask "this may seem silly but how often do see couples split becuase one of them fell for the surrogate?" I ask

"I've never seen it" she says "in my experience couples that are willing to go through this, go through it becuase they've found the one they want to do this with, they love each other unconditionally. If your partner is willing to do this with you then you have nothing to worry about"

"Thank you Sally" I smile "I will come back to you as soon as I can"

Ending the call while I felt nervous about talking to Damian about this I knew in my heart it is what I want to do even if I have to do it without him.

Damian POV

Arriving back at the house I push open the front door and I'm struck by how quiet the house is. Normally Libbie is either listening to music or playing her guitar and coming up with new lyrics  but some how the atmosphere feels different then it did this morning when I had kissed her lovingly goodbye.

"Lib? Nightingale? Mi amor?" I call out "where are you?"

"By the pool" she calls back softly and her voice immediately has me worried.

"Hey what's going on as something happened?" I ask as I find her standing by the window looking out with her arms wrapped around herself.

"We need to talk D" she says motioning for me to take a seat on the lounger

"Uh oh I don't like the sound of that" I say sitting down "I'm really hoping you're not about to tell me you're leaving me"

"No of course not" she says sitting beside me "I love you.......but I need to know.......when you said we will find a way........did you mean it?" She asks

"Absolutley, wouldn't have said it if I didn't" I say taking hold of her hands "I want to give you your dream one day"

"See the thing is that I've been doing some research, you know looking into things and I've made a decision" she says and I smile "I uh got a phone call today from the surrogacy agency to say they had found us a surrogate"

"You applied for a surrogate without talking to me?" I say not sure how to feel "Lib I said when we are both ready, what makes you think I am or that I'd be ok with you going behind my back?" I ask

"The website said it could take up to 12 months to get a surrogate, I didn't expect it to happen this fast" she says "I was going to talk to you tonight to see how you felt about it"

"You should have talked to me before you did it" I say letting go of her hands "you said you didn't want to trap me..........well what do you think you are doing right now? I've had no time to think about it, to process the idea......I don't even know if I'm ready yet"

"I'm so sorry D I know I've gone about this backwards, I've made a complete mess of it" she says her eyes filling with tears "I guess when I decided I wanted to do this with you I got excited and got ahead of myself..........you're right I should have spoken to you and I'm sorry for not doing so"

"Backwards is an understatement, I understand that you needed to look into it and make the decision on your own......but in making that decision you've been selfish, you haven't considered me at all........what am I just a sperm donor to you? I must be since im not the one who needs to have a child this way" I snap immediately regret my words, the next thing I feel is the sting of her hand connecting with my face.

"How dare you? You asshole" She says through gritted teeth as tears stream down her face "you have no idea how difficult and how scary it was for me to make this decision, to decide to watch a complete stranger carry my child for me.......something I should be doing.......something that was taken away from me becuase someone decided to drink and drive, I didn't ask for this, I didn't want this. I would give anything to go back and not get in that car but I can't. If choosing to find a way to have a baby with the man I love is selfish then damn me to hell. But know this, I've been given the chance to have something I thought I would only ever dream about and I'm going to take it........even if I have to do it alone"

"Lib wait" I say as she starts to walk away "Lib"

Libbie just shakes her head and carries on walking, after a moment I can no longer see her. The sound of the door slamming into its frame tells me she has left the house, the sound of a car tells me she's gone.........in my anger i had said something unforgivable, I never intended to hurt her and now I've probably lost her for good.