At least think of me
At least out into consideration
"oh, maybe my offspring doesn't want to be exposed to second-hand smoke"
"maybe they don't want to be overstimulated and have a panic attack when they leave their room"
"maybe I shouldn't do drugs in front of them"
"maybe I should wait until I'm not driving them around to spike my lemonade"
"maybe I should consider the chance that they aren't even 18 yet and should do all the drug and shit at my friend's house and not in the same room as them"
"maybe I should actually support them when they need me, not just for the little stuff"
"maybe I should actually care about keeping them alive instead of FUCKING LEAVING THE COUNTRY FOR A WEEK TO CELEBRATE MY FREIND'S FUCKING BIRTHDAY"
"maybe, just maybe, I should realize that have kids means that I can't be constantly high, drunk and who knows what else at random times of the day"
"maybe I should sit and think for a moment that I am the cause of my eldest to try and kill themselves"
"maybe I should realized there is a reason my eldest doesn't trust me anymore"
"maybe I should learn from my mistakes and do better, not just pretend to listen but not actually change or try and help them not feel like a pile of shit"
if only they actually though about that stuff instead of pretending like they can do anything and it won't affect me. if only they actually cared about things that are worth caring about and not have as much confidence in me to stay alive when I have made it very clear i can't. if only they knew how horrible I'm doing.
YOU ARE READING
Secrets ||Signed, Me||
RandomA place for me to document me processing my thoughts and feelings as they come out. Apologies 😔 TRIGGER WARNING -mention(s) of self harm, suicide (brief),disorderly eating, trauma, etc.
