I hate myself so fucking much.
I'm never proud of anything I do. Either cripplingly guilty about everything or hating myself even more than before.
Dad just adds fuel to the fire. I can't force myself to believe him anymore. Even when he tried to comfort me I ignore the bitter nothings and apologies. Says he'll change, what a fucking lie.
Living in a house of lies and weed, can't trust anyone. Not my mom, my safe place until recently. Everything just shattered after she died. I could trust her. I believed her.
Constant headache. Mental health down the drain. But I will never open up in-person, just leads to more problems down the road. Funny how I could talk about my attempt to my therapist like it was the weather but any present emotion is locked up deep down.
Constant façade of being okay when I'm really dead inside.
Never trusting anyone but feeling guilty for being triggered and "in an unstable mental state". Feeling guilty for feeling guilty, making myself hate myself even more, making me more guilty.
A never ending cycle made to break me down, leaving a numb excuse of a person staring out into space on the bathroom floor, blood dripping down me.
Never being able to sort out my feelings in time, just speeding up the cycle.
Guilt
Bottle emotions up
Anger
Hating myself
Repeat
YOU ARE READING
Secrets ||Signed, Me||
RandomA place for me to document me processing my thoughts and feelings as they come out. Apologies 😔 TRIGGER WARNING -mention(s) of self harm, suicide (brief),disorderly eating, trauma, etc.
