You & I・❥・(Graham Coxon)

The Aftermath・❥・

Violet POV

(the next morning)

i wake up but shut my eyes, using it as an armor to the emotions of guilt, anger, confusion and sorrow cornering me. i was quite wrong, wasn't i? i thought drinking and waking up with a hangover today would make me forget everything about yesterday's night. it didn't.

my feet hit the ground and the carpet might as well be built of thorns because it pains me to do this walk to the living room. i don't know what will happen once i get there and while walking, my mind is met with thoughts, a lot of them. 

will liam hate me? i have broken my promise to him! god why did we even become mates! i feel backstabbed but should i feel backstabbed for graham never telling me that he is from blur. do i still like graham? after all this? should i?

i keep walking till i spot graham sitting on the sofa with his back turned to me, i notice he has his eyes glued to a newspaper he is holding. so i get closer to him and dawn on what i see.

i see the dreaded picture of me kissing him on the cheek while both us being drunk and completely out of it. for god's sake, i don't even remember coming home yesterday. i stand back, put my hand against my forehead and slowly try to recall more details of last night.

then i slowly and unsurely go sit down next to him, we share a look and turn away at the same time. no words are being spoken but the space between us on the sofa and this silence tells the story.

yesterday night didn't go as planned, we both know that.

"i regret yesterday's night." i admit.

he shoots me a rather soft and vulnerable look. i don't have enough time to read it properly as he replies with condescending  silence.

"why didn't you tell me you were from blur?" i ask.

"i told you- my name is graham, the very first day we met-" he replies.

i look at him, "well graham, i don't have the names of every blur member memorized off the top of my head!"

"sorry-" he says in a quite voice.

i put my hand over his, "it's not your fault." 

"it's hard to breath- i don't feel well maybe it's a panic attack? i think- i don't know what's happening to me or us for that matter" he rests his head on my shoulder.

"come here." i pull him closer to me and lay him on my chest like it's a comfortable pillow.

i gently stroke my hands thru his hair as he tries to explain to me what is going on his head. i end up snooping around with my eyes and they land on the stack on newspapers on graham's table. mind you this table is buried in a corner and it's the first time i am properly noticing it.

on the table, i see a bunch of cut outs of news articles - about me and liam. they are pictures of me and liam holding hands, walking out together, hugging and stuff like that. very odd for graham to have cut outs like these. if on the table there happened to be newspapers of the day me and liam were spotted together that would be excusable. not this. this seems purposeful.

i stop playing with his hair and stare ahead of me. i should bring this up right? but graham is not doing okay right now. i decide to instead kiss his forehead and tell him, "it's going to be okay."

"and as we all know you look sexy doing everything including being sad, you always have that going for you!" i say with a playful smile on my face.

he replies after a short pause, "maybe you should say that to your boyfriend next time-"

i sit up and push graham off me, "oh wow- speaking of liam who isn't technically my boyfriend. what the fuck is this?" i walk over to the cut outs stack and point at them. i have to talk about this now since graham brought it up first.