You & I・❥・(Graham Coxon)

Filter・❥・

No one's POV

violet and graham fall asleep in that sofa in each other's arms and after that, the days that follow consist of graham going on tour and instead of staying with his bandmates after the show, he comes back to london every night to check on violet. 

the constant up and down between cities give him headaches and major burn out. it is painful but the thought of violet not being okay, fainting again and hitting her head on something is more painful to him. it makes him anxious, causing him to go to her flat everyday.

there, he talks with violet and softly convinces her to eat. he isn't pressuring her or being forceful about it but it does get very difficult for him to handle violet. he catches up on more books and more information about her eating disorder.

she is in denial about her eating disorder and that's common among people with eating disorders he finds out. there are many instances where violet refuses to eat and is quite aggressive with him but he never gives up and he also understands that it is her disorder making her do that, not her.

her disorder is like another person in the relationship, sometimes graham feels he's talking to violet and sometimes he feels he is directly talking to her eating disorder. it is her eating disorder that he gets to speak to most of the time, unfortunately.

at first, violet was obviously very untrusting of graham. she was staying loyal to her no food, no water fast but the things graham said get to her eventually. he has managed to make her eat 'healthy' things such as brocolli or apples. he explained to her how these things are low calorie foods and they won't do any harm to her calorie equation.

she also starts to drink water again. this is major progress and graham is over the moon because of this, he is helping violet get better! but all that sugar rush happiness has a crash when graham realises this progress is very little.

before all this, he was unaware of calories and all that stuff but due to violet, he began to research on it, in order to count her calories and make sure she is eating just enough to function at least, she isn't.

this makes graham panic and he tries his best to fix this but it doesn't work. violet is being quite stubborn and all this worry and burn out amidst violet's eating disorder, her denial, concerts and constant travelling leads to graham being dependant on alcohol even more than before to ease everything out but it always has the opposite effect, the repetitive drinking sessions and hangovers only make him more anxious.

violet hates it when graham shows up to her house but as the day progresses, she realises that he isn't so bad. she keeps the bad voices in her head out sometimes and knows that he cares about her. he wants what's best for her but her eating disorder makes everything shit.

there were 5 more venues left for blur to play at, they got done with three of them and today is the second last day of this small tour.

graham is backstage all alone in a corner, deliberately. he taps his feet against the ground and engages all of his senses to have a hard think about this. violet isn't going to recover like this and he read a line in one of the books which scared him very much.

it said, "eating disorders either end up in recovery or death."

graham knows there's only one solution to this now, this has gotten out of hand and only professional help can fix this. an eating disorder treatment centre, a hospital. that's the answer. graham can't help violet on his own.

though, he is nervous to bring up the topic of treatment to her. he knows for a fact that she will refuse to go anywhere because she is still in denial and very much in the throws of her eating disorder.