Whumptober 2023 ~ Marvel Edition

'Just Hold On.' - Tony

Day 14:

"Feed me poison, fill me 'til I drown."
Flare | Water Inhalation | "Just hold on."

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TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

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This was all his fault.

They would never have been out there all alone in the middle of the ocean with a major storm overhead in the first place if Tony had decided to handle the news of his impending doom in a rational, less dangerous way. Because of his arrogance and selfishness, it wasn't just him facing down death, but Pepper now, too. He should've listened to her when she said that going out on their own was a bad idea. They should've turned around right then and there. She didn't deserve this. She deserved better than him.

Right now he didn't have time to get down on himself; he had to focus on getting them both out of there safely. Unfortunately he didn't have access to any of his suits. He did have JARVIS, but with no cell signal as he had and the storm blocking out any satellite reception they may have had, the A.I. wasn't all that helpful at the moment.

Their only chance at a rescue was sending off a flare and hoping to God that someone was nearby to see it. The minute that Tony knew that they had very little hope of getting back to shore on their own, he had quickly grabbed a flare from a compartment below the steering wheel and ran above deck to the torrential rain and unforgiving winds. The wetness of the air around him and the shakiness of his hands made it a bit difficult to light it, but after a few attempts, it finally lit. Tony laughed with relief as the ball of light went shooting into the air above them, lighting up the blackened sky.

Tony's attention was pulled away from the orb of light above him when he heard a noise come from behind him. When he turned his head around, he saw Pepper standing in the doorway.

"I thought I told you to stay below!" Tony called over the wind.

"You really thought I was going to let you come up here alone?!" Pepper called back with a sad smile.

Tony smiled back and took a step forward to rejoin her, but was interrupted by a large jolt from the boat, sending Tony to the floor. The only reason Pepper didn't get knocked over as well was because she grabbed a hold of the door frame before she lost too much of her balance.

"Tony!" she called out to him, attempting to push herself back up.

"I'm okay!" Tony called. He also tried to get back up, but the movement of the boat was making it difficult for him to do so. He waited for a lull in the rocking of the boat before he would try to make another attempt.

As soon as that lull came, Pepper sprinted over to Tony and helped him up onto his feet.

"Come on!" Pepper said. Who knew how long they had before they started getting thrown around again, so they needed to get inside, and fast.

Holding onto each other for dear life, the two made a mad dash for the door. The closer they got to safety, the more they let their guard down. They just needed to make it a few more feet and then they'd be safe. Well, as safe as they could be given their predicament.

Just before they reached the door, the boat jerked to the side. Tony was able to grab onto the nearby post but Pepper wasn't so fortunate in that regard, and she slipped backwards and down the stairs to the lip hanging off of the back of the yacht. Tony swore his heart entered his throat at that moment.

"Pepper!"

Not caring that the boat was very much not steady yet, he, as best as he could, worked his way over to the staircase and looked down. Much to his relief, Pepper was still on the boat, but her legs were hanging off the side, seemingly caught in the current. She was holding onto a small handle sticking out of the floor of the boat, but the slickness of her hands was making it difficult to maintain a good grip.

Quick to jump into action, Tony bolted down the set of stairs, but had to stop halfway down to grab a hold of the railing when the boat jerked once again.

"Tony!" Pepper called out fearfully, readjusting her grip on the handle.

"Just hold on!" Tony called back to her. "I'm coming!"

Once again the rocking came to a lull and Tony flew down the rest of the stairs. Not knowing how much longer they had until the next sudden movement, Tony grabbed a hold of Pepper's arm and yanked as hard as he could. Normally he might be worried about hurting her arm, but he didn't exactly have time to care. He'd rather her have a broken or dislocated arm than be dead.

Tony let out a loud growl as he finally managed to pull Pepper's body free from the current and up onto the deck. Pepper had barely gotten up onto her knees before Tony started feeling the boat thrust to the side. His eyes wide with fear, he instinctively pushed Pepper onto the stairs, but because of the movement of the boat plus the slick deck beneath him, Tony lost his footing. Before he even knew he was falling, he felt his body slam into the deck and slip into the ice cold ocean.

The freezing temperatures and the shock of having fallen and hit his head in the first place made Tony's entire body freeze up and the minute his head submerged underneath the water, water went shooting up his nose, into his mouth, and down into his lungs. Thankfully he was able to resurface only a second or two afterwards, and as he tread the water, he coughed the water up from his lungs. His chest felt like it was on fire, but honestly, he was just relieved it hadn't been worse.

Over the bouts of coughing, Tony could hear Pepper calling out to him. He attempted to pull his focus towards her voice, and when he finally managed to blink the water out of his eyes, he saw that the yacht was somehow about twenty feet away. When had that happened?

Tony attempted to start swimming back, however he hadn't been able to get very far before a large wave washed over him and submerged him once again. Thankfully this time he was a little more prepared and was able to properly hold his breath, but when he came back up to the surface, he noticed that the boat had managed to get further away.

Once again a wave came and pushed him under, however this time felt more forceful than the last, and the current he had to fight to get back to the surface seemed to be stronger. He struggled and fought his way to the surface, but after his attempts seemed to be going nowhere, he finally stopped.

What was the point?

He was going to die in a matter of days anyways; would it be a quicker and less painful death for him if he were to drown instead of being poisoned? Though interrupted, he had already gotten his last hooray with Pepper. Sure, he hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye to Rhodey and Happy, but maybe it was better this way. This way, they didn't have to watch him get sick. This way, he could be remembered for who he was in the days before his death - the person he wanted them to remember him as. Not some sickly version of himself that even he didn't recognize. Or maybe he wouldn't end up that way, he didn't know for sure. It's not like he'd ever had palladium poisoning before.

It wasn't like Tony would be killing himself, right? He was already going to die, and even if he wasn't slowly being killed by the thing in his chest, it didn't seem like he was going to be making it back to the yacht. He'd already tried as hard as he could to make it back, but it hadn't gotten him anywhere. He'd fought and he'd lost, and that was that. So why did letting go feel so much like giving up?

It's not like he wanted to die necessarily, but what other choice did he have? It was either die here, die struggling to get back to the boat, or die in a few days when the palladium finally saturated his blood, and this way seemed like the quickest, easiest, and least painful way to go.

Tony's heart beated forcefully against his chest as he waited for the inevitable. He held his breath for as long as his brain and lungs would allow, until eventually, he started thrashing about as his body's natural response to make a last-ditch attempt at making his way to the surface to get some air. Tony was too far beneath the surface and too stuck in the current to make much progress, but despite his anxiety and basic human instinct reminding him of his impending doom, he knew it was for the best.

His chest burned and ached for what seemed like ages until finally, Tony's body involuntarily drew a breath in, though of course, there was no air to enter his lungs. Instead, they filled up with water, and he was shocked to find that the pain in his chest was no longer there and his anxiety was replaced with a sense of peace, until everything started fading out of existence.

Finally, he felt at peace.