Whumptober 2023 ~ Marvel Edition

'Don't Go Where I Can't Follow.' - Bucky & Steve

Day 16:

"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
Gurney | Flatline | "Don't go where I can't follow."

~~~

Bucky barely heard the beeping of the heart monitor anymore; it had become a background noise so far from his mind that it didn't register in his brain. The only thing he was focused on was the rise and fall of Steve's chest. So long as there was movement, his friend would be alright.

The doctors had all said that there wasn't much hope left for the old man, that most people in his condition wouldn't last the night, but Steve wasn't most people. Steve was Steve; not only was he a supersoldier, thus stronger than the majority of the population already, but his ability to thrive when the odds were stacked against him over the years only proved that Steve had a better fighting chance than most of the people who came through those doors. Maybe they were wrong; maybe Steve would bounce back tomorrow and he would be out of here in no time.

As Bucky's gaze shifted to Steve's face, he noticed a slight movement and did a double-take to look back. His eyes were fluttering. They were actually fluttering. Regaining consciousness was good, right? Obviously they weren't in the clear quite yet, but this had to mean that Bucky had been right. Steve really was different, and he would get better. He had to.

"Hey," Bucky greeted softly. He reached out, slid his hand into Steve's, and gave it a squeeze to let his friend know that he was there.

When Steve's eyes finally opened wide enough and his vision cleared enough to see, a small, content smile appeared on Steve's face.

"Hey," he replied weakly.

"How're you feeling?" Bucky asked.

Steve shrugged his shoulders lightly. "Tired."

Bucky smiled sadly and lowered his gaze into his hand in Steve's, before giving it another squeeze and pulling his hand back into his lap. "I bet."

Steve closed his eyes for a brief moment and let out a heavy breath through his nose before he forced them back open again. "...I'm dying, aren't I?"

"No," Bucky insisted, his voice a bit shaky. "No, you're not. Not today, anyway."

Steve gave Bucky a sad smile. "Bucky..."

"Don't Bucky me. I'm telling you you're not gonna die, and that's that."

Steve chuckled. "I don't think you have much control over that."

"I don't care; you're not dying. You can't," Bucky's voice broke so he took a moment to compose himself a bit before speaking again. "...not when we're finally getting a chance to be us again - like we used to be before all of this stupid supersoldier crap."

"We were always us," Steve said. "We may not have always been together, but no matter where we were or who we were working for, in the end we always found our way back to each other."

"But why does that have to be it for us, hm? I-It wasn't bad enough that we had to wait the better part of a century to finally be reunited, but now, after years of trying to get to a place where I finally feel safe around people, I'm finally ready to start my life back up again and I have to do it without you? Steve, I-I can't do this alone. Don't go where I can't follow. Not again."

Steve looked off to the side, his face ridden with guilt, before looking back at Bucky. "If it were up to me, of course I would stick around a little while longer, but it's not. We always said that we would be with each other 'til the end of the line, and this is it for me, Buck. I know you think you need me, but the truth is, no matter how much you may want me to stick around, you don't need me. You've grown and healed so much these last few years, and I am so proud of you. You don't need anyone but yourself to keep going. And I know that because I've seen you do it; I've seen you take charge of your own life when things get tough."

"Yeah, well, what if I don't want to?" Bucky asked, tears brimming his eyes. "What if I don't want to live in a world without my best friend?"

"Listen, I get it; if it were the other way around, I'm sure I'd be feeling the same way. But you're gonna have to find a way to keep going without me. Because if I see you on the other side before your time, I'm gonna kill you."

Bucky let out a laugh at the same time that he sobbed, and a tear dropped down into his lap. "Doesn't that seem a little redundant?"

"Maybe. But either way my point still stands," Steve said. "So promise me you'll keep going. For me."

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek and looked into his lap as another couple of tears dripped down his cheek.

"Hey," Steve said, using what little strength he had left to grab a hold of Bucky's hand once again. "You'll be okay; I have faith in you."

"I don't," Bucky admitted shakily.

"That's okay," Steve reassured him. "Because I believe enough for the both of us."

Bucky squeezed Steve's hand back and looked down into his lap as he attempted to keep the rest of his tears at bay. As he finished taking a couple of deep, cleansing breaths, Bucky felt Steve's hand go limp in his, followed immediately by the loud, continuous beeping of the heart monitor he's grown perhaps too comfortable with start flatlining.

His head snapped up, his eyes wide, and Bucky looked first to the monitor, and then to Steve, who's eyes were open, but vacant.

"No," he practically whispered. His gaze snapped back up to the heart monitor just to double check that it was real. Much to his dismay, it was. He hated that he'd taken that stupid beeping for granted, because in that moment he knew he would do anything to hear the sound of his friend's heart beat again. "No!"

Bucky's heart ached more than it ever had before, and he was sure he was going to throw up. He was doing better - he'd been awake. What kind of sick joke was the universe playing on him, toying with his hope like that? Was this some sort of punishment for the horrid things he had done as the Winter Soldier? He knew he probably deserved it, but Steve didn't. Steve hadn't done anything wrong.

As the doctors started rushing in, the world around Bucky blurred. It wasn't until Bucky had been physically moved from his chair and ushered out of the room that he finally re-entered his mind and the pain he had been feeling came flooding back to him. Bucky's knees suddenly became weak, and he found himself having to use the wall behind him to steady himself.

Steve was dead. His best friend - the only one in the entire world who truly understood him and still believed in him - was dead. And Bucky was left right back where he started all those decades ago.

Alone, and afraid.