Where You Are

Prologue

Birgitta

Just outside of Calgary, Alberta, Canada
October, 2002

'I'm not feeling well,' I insisted.

'You don't have a fever, you're going to school,' Mom insisted harder.

'Mom, please don't make me go,' I pleaded quietly. I'd learned quickly that whining or yelling got me nowhere fast with my mother.

'Birgitta, those girls are just jealous,' Mom waved a hand dismissively. 'Now go get dressed.'

'Have you thought about me switching schools?' I tried again.

She let out an exasperated sigh.

'For the last time, Birgitta,' she said in a warning tone. 'You're not switching schools. There's nothing wrong with the school.'

Fine. I knew it was hopeless, but I couldn't hurt but hope all the same. I also knew when the conversation was over and if I pushed my mom, things could get ugly fast.

The tormenting from the other girls in school had slowly gotten worse over the course of the year. At first, it had just been one of them, but by now, the others were all on her side. If I joined someone for lunch, they'd get up and leave. I never had a partner for class assignments, I was always left with whoever else was left. Usually Ryan, the slightly weird kid that smelled a bit like gasoline and was obsessed with heavy equipment. I was the last one picked in gym class when we played team sports and I hadn't been invited to a birthday party in over a year. The last one had been a sleepover and I'd woken up with permanent marker spelling the word loser on my forehead, though I didn't realize it until I used the bathroom hours later. My mom had refused to pick me up until the party ended hours after that, saying she had plans and couldn't possible pick up her distraught, sobbing daughter any earlier than she'd originally planned. Leaving me bawling in the bathroom, desperately trying to scrub the writing off my face.

But no, the kids were just jealous of me. Jealous of what? My own mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pyjamas unless she was going out. She used to walk my younger sister, Svetlana, and I to school, but once I'd turned ten two years ago, she'd decided I was old enough to take Lana on my own. Mom had been a stay-at-home mom for my entire life, I didn't even know if she'd worked between getting married and having me, I knew she'd married my dad right out of high school. It was a story she liked to tell, graduating high school one weekend and then getting married the next. I shivered just thinking about it.

Or were they jealous of my dad that I never saw? My dad worked a nine to five office job and then went to the gym before coming home every night and again on Saturdays. He also played either hockey or baseball once per week depending on the time of year. It was just a recreational league, but he'd never brought either me or Lana to any of his games. He was good take two weeks vacation every year and we usually went camping. Never too far, though, we did go to Montana last year. However, camping with my mother was a bit of a nightmare.

In my opinion, my life sucked. There wasn't much to be jealous of, if there even was anything at all.

Without another word, I walked down the hall to my bedroom and dressed for school. I left the house with Lana, but I had absolutely no plans on actually going to school. I definitely made it look like I did, but as soon as Lana turned to find her own friends, I left.

I'd much rather wander around the neighbourhood for the next six hours then subject myself to the torture of school.

July, 2008

I clutched at the boarding pass, both terrified of losing it and so excited that I couldn't stop looking at it.

Calgary International Airport- London Heathrow Airport