Where You Are

Moncton

Jesse

I knew it was maybe a bit unprincipled and definitely more than a little sneaky on my end, but I desperately had to know. I'd never felt this way for another girl before in my life, and she was quickly becoming everything to me. I knew this was a stupid idea, I did. Apparently, I hadn't stopped being completely stupid when I turned thirty. I knew I could trust Birgitta, but I also knew there would probably always a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that I didn't really know what she did when I wasn't around.

It was simply too good to be true.

I told myself there was no getting around it once you'd been cheated on. And I'd been cheated on twice. Your trust in women was never quite the same, no matter how wonderful the woman in question was.

So there I was. Standing outside of her flat, the day before she was expecting me. Because apparently I was a glutton for punishment.

I told myself that if she wasn't expecting me, but was happy to see me anyway, it would just be a romantic surprise and she wouldn't suspect anything. That helped me feel better.

I double-checked the address. I'd never actually been to her flat before, but I'd sent things to her. I was definitely at the right place, but there was no answer when I rang the buzzer for her flat. I knew she had the day off, and I'd spotted her car in the car park.

I had a bad feeling about all of this. Maybe it was a good thing I'd come, find out she wasn't who I thought she was before I was too far gone.

Who was I kidding? I was already too far gone. If it turned out Birgitta was cheating on me or had been lying to me at all, it would take years for me to recover from it, if I did at all.

When I'd decided to get myself out in the dating world again a few months ago, I'd only planned on getting my feet a bit wet. Go on a couple casual dates, get familiar with things again, but nothing serious. I definitely hadn't expected the first girl to catch my fancy would be someone like her. Someone I was absolutely head over heels for and could easily imagine spending the rest of my life with. It was all the more imperative that I was sure about all of this.

I got my mobile out. I would text her, just to see if she texted back. Where the bloody hell was she? What I really wanted to do was open the iPhone tracker to see exactly where she was, but I just couldn't bring myself to, it felt too sleazy.

Because absolutely none of this was sleazy so far.

'Oh, my gosh, Jesse?'

I looked up and turned towards her voice, my heart was in my throat.

She was jogging towards me, her face red and sweaty, wearing a red exercise tank top with a white maple leaf on it, black shorts and trainers.

She had been out for a run. I felt my tense body instantly relax, she had just been out for a run.

'I can't believe this!' She laughed and threw herself at me. I caught her instinctively, holding her far too tightly and breathing in the comforting smell of lilacs. It was the best thing I'd ever smelled, even if it was tainted with sweat.

'Are you alright?' She asked, trying to pull away a bit. I didn't let her.

'I just missed you,' I said. It wasn't a lie, but it also wasn't the entire reason I was holding her so tightly.

'I missed you, too,' she sighed and relaxed back into me.

'Are you surprised?' I asked her, still holding her.

'Yes!' She laughed again, her face in my shoulder. 'I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow! I'm a mess!'

She pulled away and, this time, I let her.