Where You Are

The Exam

Birgitta

I didn't sleep well the night before my doctor's appointment. I was anxious even though I knew there was no real reason for it. When it was finally late enough to get out of bed and start getting ready for the day, my nerves were high.

Jesse had asked me twice since I'd come home from London and meeting his parents asking if I wanted him to come with me to see the doctor. Both times I'd refused. I was a strong, independent woman, I could take myself to the doctor's office. Besides, it was a totally normal thing, women got pelvic exams done all the time and then carried on with their day. Still, I was glad the appointment was in the morning, better to get it over with.

Still, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I felt uneasy.

As usual, Jesse had texted me before I woke up. Not that I hadn't heard my phone vibrate and seen the screen light up as I tossed and turned, I just thought it would be impossible to fall back asleep if I checked it.

Jesse: Good morning, my love
Jesse: Send me a message when your appointment's over. I love you.

I checked the iPhone tracker and saw his last location was Heathrow Airport only forty minutes ago, meaning he was almost definitely airborne. On his way to Toronto again. At least he would be relatively nearby, and even though I knew I wasn't going to see him, that weirdly made me feel a bit better.

I didn't bother answering. He would still be airborne by the time I was finished my appointment, I'd just send him a message after.

I dressed comfortably, I was already worked up enough without wearing uncomfortable clothes. Plus, I had to go to the grocery store after. I ate a couple pieces of peanut butter toast and then set out.

The clinic was on the opposite end of Moncton from where I lived and I appreciated the time it took to drive there and listen to my music. It was fine. I was just being silly. Women did this all the time.

By the time I got to the office, checked in and took a seat in the waiting room, I was feeling much calmer about the whole thing.

'Birgitta?'

Dr Bahrami poked her head out of her office, I hadn't even been sitting for five minutes. She scanned the waiting room, saw me and then gave me a warm smile.

I stood automatically and slung my purse over my shoulder before walking over to her office.

Dr Behrami was East Indian and very pretty, in my opinion. Her hair was so thick and shiny and no trace of white or grey despite the fact that she was probably at least forty. She was nice and knew I was a nurse. I didn't make appointments to see her unless I really needed to. And I could usually get in relatively quickly.

She was seated behind her desk and gestured for me to take the seat opposite her. I did. She adjusted her glasses from the top of her head to her nose.

'So, Birgitta,' she said, looking over at the computer screen. 'Have you ever had a pelvic examination before?'

'No,' I shook my head.

Her fingernails clicked on the keyboard.

'Do you have any concerns?' She looked up over her reading glasses at me.

'Uh... with what?' I asked. That seemed like a pretty generic question to me.

'Your menstrual cycle,' she explained. 'Sex.'

'Oh, um...' I willed the pink out of my cheeks. She was a doctor, it was her job to ask these types of questions. 'No. Everything seems pretty normal.'

'Any high risk behaviours?' She asked, still clacking away on the keyboard. 'Number of sexual partners?'