Where You Are

London

Birgitta

As usual, I was one of the last few stragglers in line to board.

It wasn't because I was late getting to the airport or got lost trying to find my gate, I just didn't see the point of pushing ahead to the front of the line when no one was going anywhere until everyone was on board. I'd rather take advantage of the last few moments of being in a foreign country, even if it was only the airport.

I presented my passport and the boarding pass on my phone to the flight attendant and she waved me through to board. Another woman dressed in the airline's uniform checked my boarding pass again when I arrived at the actual airplane and gestured for me to carry on as another closed the door to the cockpit behind her.

The tiny aisles of the airplane were still crowded with passengers finding their seats and shoving carryon baggage into the overhead compartments. I waited patiently for them to slowly clear. I was in no hurry. The plane wasn't about to take off with me still standing in the aisle.

A mother with a small toddler in her lap was trying to distract the child with toys and songs. The little girl looked up at me and waved as I shuffled past. I couldn't but smile and wave back. I had no idea how some parents did it, travelling with small children. Especially on long flights like this. I was getting cranky just from waiting in the airport to board and I was a grown adult.

Grateful that I'd been able to book a window seat, I found where I was meant to sit and gestured to the couple sitting in the middle and aisle seats and they stood. They were holding hands and acting all lovey-dovey with each other. I noted the shiny, brand new looking wedding bands on their fingers. I wondered vaguely if they were on their way to their honeymoon or on their way back home. Probably home, I couldn't imagine anyone going from London to Toronto for a honeymoon. It didn't matter. They wouldn't be likely to engage in small talk with me, which was just the way I liked it.

A subconscious part of myself knew I should at least try to make an effort to be friendly to my neighbours, but it was honestly a relief that they didn't seem to care or even notice my existence.

I was still a bit stiff from hiking up Ben Nevis, but in a good way. There weren't very many mountains back home to hike up. I loved the change.

Shortly after I was seated and settled, the safety demonstration began and we were off.

I looked out the tiny window as the airplane taxied over the runway and the took off into the air, drinking in the sight of London as it slowly disappeared and the English countryside came into view. It looked like a patchwork quilt from the altitude we were at. I absolutely loved it. Slowly, it disappeared as well as the plane ascended higher into the clouds.

I willed myself not to be upset. I'd had a great trip, ten days in the United Kingdom, mostly spent in Scotland. Something about the bagpipe music that seemed to be everywhere, the cool weather and foggy mornings that made me feel almost at home. The stone cottage with the wood stove I'd stayed in had been better than the pictures I'd seen before I'd booked it. The lack of cell phone reception and manual labour to bring wood inside had done me well.

But it was time to come home. My money had almost run out and it was time to go back to work and make more so I could start planning my next trip.

Even after this visit, I still had a nagging feeling like there was more I needed to see, something I'd missed out on. If there was anyway I could work there and make a living wage, I'd be there. But I knew I was far better off staying in Canada and travelling when I'd saved enough money.

I was restless. Though, that was nothing new. I'd been restless for as long as I could remember. Nowhere felt like home.

Home. I suppose that was the only word for the small, one-bedroom apartment I'd lived in for the last three years. But it wasn't really home. It had never felt that way, just somewhere to keep my stuff and sleep. After a year of living just outside of Moncton, New Brunswick, I'd decided that it was as good a place as any to live. No matter where I lived, I always felt unsettled and had a hard time making friends, so I'd just given up. At least there I had a job that I liked that paid well and was close enough to an international airport when I felt the itch to get away. Which was often.