Where You Are

London Heathrow Airport

Jesse

There were two missed calls on my mobile from Birgitta, two days before she was due to arrive in London for her visit. This was my last flight for the rotation, I had plans on getting myself and my flat ready for her to arrive as soon as I got back home.

She'd been off for the last week or so, I knew I hadn't been imagining it. She seemed distracted and when we spoke, I found I had to repeat myself more often than normal. However, every time I asked her about it, she assured me everything was alright. I was concerned. We'd finally slept together and she was meeting my parents in just two days' time. Two massive steps forward in our relationship. She must be freaking out about it. She'd never been this involved with anyone before, and neither had I.

I instantly panicked, she only ever rang once before without me answering, she knew I'd return her call as soon as I could. Twice was practically unheard of for her. I pressed her contact information to ring her back immediately, not caring that we'd only just arrived at the terminal and the bridge hadn't even been attached to the airplane yet.

'Hello? Jesse?' She answered on the third ring. I could hear faint beeping and babies crying in the background, she must be at work.

'Are you working?' I asked. Cole Grosicki, the captain, shot me an odd look. 'Is everything alright?'

'Yeah, I'm at work, give me a minute, I'll go somewhere quieter,' she said. the sounds of the ward were getting softer.

'Is everything alright?' I repeated. She rarely phoned while she was working. I couldn't tell if her yeah was in answer to my first or second question. Was she cancelling her trip? Blimey, I bloody hoped not. Her visit was all I could think about since I'd last seen her in Moncton. It was the only thing keeping me going.

'Yeah, there's just something I wanted to talk to you about,' she said. 'Do you have a couple minutes?'

'Yeah,' I told her, shooting another look at Grosicki who was pretending to look busy with the post-flight checklist.

She took a deep breath while I held mine, waiting for her to speak. Surely I was about to find out why she hadn't been herself the last few days.

'I just thought there was something you should know,' she said.

'What's that?' I asked perhaps a bit too abruptly, but I didn't care. She was clearly stalling. Why wasn't she just telling me?

'Um...' another deep breath. 'The condom we used was expired.'

I froze, sitting ramrod straight in my seat. I knew my mouth had dropped open in disbelief but I couldn't find it in me to be bothered.

'Oh, shit!' I exclaimed, my mind kicking into gear suddenly and a sick, twisting feeling starting in my stomach. 'Birgitta, I had no idea! I didn't think to check, I'm such an idiot. I'm clean! It's been three years since...'

I trailed off, suddenly aware again that Grosicki was listening to every word I said and could probably hear Birgitta's end of the conversation as well.

Fuck. It had been three years since the last time I'd had sex. That was the last time I'd bought condoms. I was a fucking idiot.

'I figured you were,' she said. 'I didn't think you knew that it wasn't good anymore. So, that's why I'm telling you.'

'Are you...' my heart was in my throat at the thought of the number one thing condoms were meant to prevent. It was one thing to be disease-free, but that didn't stop other things from happening. 'I mean... I...'

'I'm not pregnant,' she said gently.

I slumped back in my chair, a wide array of emotions flooding through me all at once.