jian //drunken mistake

Chapter 24

//kian pov//

I sat on the edge of the dirty motel bed, a white sheet wrapped around my waist. I don't remember much of last night, just that I took another girl back to my room, and ended up crying in the tub later on. That been the usual for weeks now.

Leave the girl I just banged in the bed then head to a new city, get drunk, meet a new girl (fuck her in my motel room), dream about him, then cry a bit, then repeat.

It's been hectic.

I never think about him in the day, I completely avoid it. I only think about him while drinking, having sex, flirting, browsing Twitter, sleeping, etc. that's not that much, right?

Well that's what I've been telling myself for a while. I'm over him now. I really am.

But I'm so sad.

And I don't know why.
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After prolly 45 minutes of staring blankly at the floor from the same spot on the beaten down mattress, I stood up, letting the white sheet fall onto the floor leaving me bare and cold. Last nights Latino was fast asleep still. And for the first time since I started this whole one night stand every night thing, I felt bad.

I quickly shook the feeling. I pulled a black muscle shirt over my head and put on a pair of plain skinny jeans. grabbing my stuff, I headed out the door.

I walked through the entrance of some pub, shades on my eyes.

As cool as this sounds it was actually quite bland and I was crying behind my sunglasses so yeah.

It was hot & stuffy, the faster I get some alcohol into me the better. I pulled out a stool and slouched onto it. Sighing, I took off my sunglasses and rubbed my now dried out eyes.

I pulled out my phone to check my notifications.

*2 new texts from sam pottorff, 1 missed call from ricky dillon, 3 new texts from cameron dallas & 1 new text from lia marie johnson*

I read Cameron's messages, it was just him saying how proud he is that I'm finding myself and not letting anyone hold me back this time around... I think Cameron's too invested in my life but whatever. But what the hell would lia want with me...

Lia: hey kian its lia, just thought I'd check in with you.. That stunt you pulled earlier, sending pics of you and some girl to cam KNOWING he was with jc? That was totally uncool. Not that it's any of your business but JC was so heartbroken over you. You're such an ass. He deserves so much better than you. So here have this to brighten up your day *picture message*

I was appalled at the message from lia... I didn't know her and Jc were talking again. And I haven't texted cam since god knows when, let alone send him pictures.

I decided against looking at the picture, afraid of what it could be. Probably Lias nudes or something.

I payed my phone down and looked up to meet the the eyes of an older man with a scraggly beard. He was probably in his 70s but seemed like an upbeat guy. He was covered in tattoos and was currently pouring me a drink. I smiled weakly at him. He slid the drink across the table to me.

I stuck my hand into my pockets, feeling around for any trace of money. My smile dropped when I realized I was out. As if he knew that I was broke, he spoke softly and said "it's on the house. Whiskey for your troubles."

"What troubles." I chuckled dryly and took a swig, letting the cool liquid burn my throat as it went down. The bar was mostly empty, except for a young girl across the room sweeping and some dude passed out on a table. So the bartender pulled up his stool from the other side of the counter and sat across from me, drying a few clean glasses.
"I've been running this pub a while now, I've seen many faces. People just wanting to have fun, people hurtin'. You're hurtin'. I can see it."

I feel fine. I've been getting laid every night and seeing the world.

I looked at him again. He had a twinkle in his eye that was oddly comforting and made me want to be around him. That sounds weird but it'd be nice to talk to someone.

"Most of us drink to forget something. Something ye did... A loved one... A mistake ya made maybe."

His words triggered so many memories and feelings. It made me remember. Everything I had, everything I let go.

Jc's laugh, his smile, how easily frustrated and annoyed he got, his chill take on everything, the way he looks when he wakes up in my arms, his humour, everything about him that I fell in love with.

And everything I left. Because of someone else's opinion...

I took everything cameron said to me to heart. And I believed him. That its wrong to be gay, and that it was just a phase..

But he was wrong.

I cleared my throat.

"I made a mistake. I left my boyfriend. I shouldn't have." I said quietly, looking at my half empty drink.

He nodded his head. "Go get him back then."

"I wish it was that easy." I sighed.

"It's never easy. But some things are worth the struggle. Do you love him?"

"Yes." I didn't even hesitate. I thought I was over him, but I never really thought about it much.

The man stood up, dragging me up with him. He dusted off my shirt and straightened out my shoulders. "Go get him then." He smiled before he turned to stack the glasses in the right shelves. I stood there for a moment, collecting my thoughts.

I can't believe I did this to jc. To my friends. I have to fix things... But they'd never forgive me for this. Why would they?? I've gone completely out of my mind, brainwashed by someone else's thoughts. I need to go back.

"Thank you so much!" I yelled to the man, grabbing my jacket. He smiled at me, laughing as I stumbled over my own feet out the door and into my car.

There's a chance jc would never forgive me. But the bartender was right. I had to try. Because I'm in love with jc.
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Kians pov for you... Cool beans.
Sorry updates have been slow, but it's exam time n shizz. I actually have an English exam tm which is great cuz I've been trying to write this for like 5 hours instead of studying for that. BUT OH WELL THATS MY LIFE.
-Ryan Ross
-jk it's only me
-BYE