Silver roses 【soukoku】

Chapter 22.

When Dazai woke the next time, it was morning and Chuuya was sleeping on the floor, with his head on Dazai's bed, arms around his head. 

Dazai tried to move as quietly as possible, looking at the red-head. Dazai hadn't really seen him in open hair before, so this was definitely very new. And also very hot. Chuuya looked so good in open hair it should've been illegal.  

The events of last night came back to him, along with all the kissing and everything. 

Wait. 

Oh no. 

Dazai had kissed Chuuya. Oh my fucking god, Dazai had kissed Chuuya. And Chuuya had kissed back. Dazai ran silently to the washroom, looking at his body in the mirror. He had a couple of hickeys from last night, so it definitely wasn't a dream. 

Dazai felt a little giddy. Chuuya had kissed back, so that must mean something right? They could be something right? Maybe this time, something that he wished could he his. 

He smiled to himself. He got out from the washroom, looking at his phone on the nightstand. It was about 7 in the morning, and their plane was at 2 in the afternoon. He should wait for Chuuya to get up, and then decide what they were gonna do. 

This time, he wouldn't play it off as nothing. This time, he would take Chuuya. 

Chuuya awoke to the sound of his phone going off. "Wha-" He started, looking at Dazai, who was packing his clothes. He then looked at the phone. Higuchi was calling him. 

"Hello?" Chuuya said, taking out a stray piece of his hair from his mouth, praying he hadn't been drooling. "Chuuya! Glad to know you're awake." Higuchi said, and from the sound of her voice, she'd been awake for a long time. 

"I wasn't until you called me." Chuuya said, looking over his shoulder to where Dazai stood, looking like he couldn't be the least bit bothered. 

It was about 11, when he woke up, and he was late. Fuck they needed to get to the airport at 12. It was 30 minutes away, so Chuuya had 30 minutes to get ready and pack. 

"When the fuck did you wake up?" He asked, looking at Dazai, who glanced behind him for a second. "At 7." He said, turning back to whatever he was doing. 

"And you couldn't wake me up?" Chuuya said, huffing as he got up, stretching. He was met with he satisfying crack of his bones, as he looked around the room, mentally calculating how quickly he had to do everything.  

He grabbed a couple of thing from his nightstand, shoving them inside this backpack. 

"Wasn't my job to wake you up. I'm not your mother." Dazai said, his back still turned towards Chuuya. Chuuya frowned at him, turning to face him. 

"What does that mean? It wasn't my job to stay up till 1 to take care of your sick ass either, but I still did it." He said, rolling his eyes and he took out his footwear and shoved it inside his suitcase. 

"I didn't ask you to. It's not like we're that close anyway." Dazai said, and now Chuuya was pissed. 

"Not close? Oh I'm sorry but I thought we were pretty close given by the way you were feasting on my body last night." He said, crossing his arms looking at Dazai, who still didn't meet his eyes. 

"Your fault for thinking that." He said simply, and Chuuya was at his limit now. 

"Hey asshole. Look at me when you're talking. My fault for doing what? You came onto me. You kissed me first and I took care of you the entire night. Doesn't that-" Chuuya broke off in the middle, not knowing how to phrase his next words. 

"Doesn't that what? Listen I was drunk. Again. And I do stupid shit when I'm drunk. Sorry for giving you the wrong impression. We're not fucking boyfriends, Chuuya. We're barely even friends." Dazai said finally looking at him, his eyes looking angry. 

Chuuya didn't know how to respond. They weren't- was this a joke? 

"Oh, we're not friends? Oh ok my bad. How could I ever think that we were friends, with that fucking ego of yours? Dazai Osamu, the great bitch who loves to play with people's feelings. Toooootally my fault for thinking that you liked me back after you kissed me and told me you weren't in love with Sigma." Chuuya said, raising his voice at the end. 

"Chuuya. Look at my point of view for once-" 

"What is your point of view? 'Oh Chuuya won't mind it if I go and kiss him because I've not had anyone to fuck since I got here.'? Something that people like YOU should understand is that other people have fucking feelings!" Chuuya yelled at him, not caring about how loud his voice was going now. 

"Shut the fuck up! You think I don't understand feelings? You're the one who doesn't understand. I don't like you. This has nothing to do with my past relations. I do not like you, singularly. So, Nakahara Chuuya, before you insult other people, have a long look at yourself. Maybe it's not a coincidence that no one wants to date you." He said, and Chuuya took a step back, but Dazai wasn't done. 

"You're taking out your anger about not getting Tachihara or someone because of me. I know you made out with him too. I bet you gave him this bullshit about feelings too. So please forgive me for telling you that I don't want your sorry ass with me." Dazai said, breathing heavily. 

"Oh sure. It's so like you to assume you know everything about people. It's not fucking cool to pretend like nothing bothers you. People like you when you're a human. Someone as mechanical as you could never understand how it feels to be a part of something." Chuuya shouted back at him, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. 

"I don't know what it's like to be a part of what? Your long list of whores you've fucked? I don't think I'm missing out on much. Thank you." Dazai said, rolling his eyes, and Chuuya would be dammed to let him get in the last word. 

"I'm the one with whores? You hypocrite, you've flirted with every woman you've come across. Maybe it's not surprising that no one wants someone as narcissistic and self- depreciating sorry excuse of a human being to be their lover. Do you even know what love is?" Chuuya yelled, and when Dazai didn't respond, he should've stopped. 

"Of course you don't. Those family issues of yours are so fucking hilarious. What kind of a son leaves his brother and father like that?" 

"What kind of a friend leaves his so called found-family to die in a ditch like that? It's not wonder they died. Death would be a better alternative than being stuck with you. Go fuck yourself, Chuuya. No wonder no one wants to stick around you." Dazai yelled back at him, snapping his suitcase shit, zipping it and slamming the door shut. 

Chuuya stood there for a minute, numb with shock. 

And then he fell down, to his knees. Unwanted memories flooded his mind, screams from his past making him claw at his ears. 

"Stop." He whimpered out loud. His mind was racing and he couldn't breathe properly. 

"Please please I'm sorry." He couldn't breathe. His face felt wet and he was most probably shaking. He didn't want his past anymore. He didn't want to remember anything. 

Sobs fell from his mouth, as he shook so violently that the floor might be shaking with him. His efforts to keep his sobs in his mouth failed, as he pressed his hands to his mouth to be silent. 

His entire body was heaving, and Chuuya felt like he was gonna throw up. 

He ran to his bathroom, and threw up whatever he had eaten.

 Dazai had hit a nerve. Fuck he'd hit the entire nervous system. Chuuya was still shaking and sobbing, as he threw up more and more, until he was just retching dry air. 

'Pathetic.' His mind whispered to him, as Chuuya covered his head with his arms, willing the tears to stop. 

Author's note: 

Uh just in case it was unclear, Chuuya was trafficked as a child (stormbringer) I will mention his backstory in the next few chapter, but yeah basically the flags in the original au are his friends back when he was kidnapped here. 

Idk what i'm doing but mwah don't curse dazai too much you'll understand soon.