Untamed (A mafia story)

Chapter 47

Cora

Guess what?
Yeah you guessed right, I left Dimitri's place again in tears
I mean one minute everything is fine and the next it's not.

I really want to put this behind me and actually work with him for Ivan's sake but he's not helping, Always throwing my pregnancy into the picture.

It's bad enough that I'm well aware I'm pregnant for him, it's only worse if he keeps reminding me about it.

I don't want to talk about it
Not now at least
Still too early for me
I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm pregnant, for him.

Maybe I should have just listened to him and stop meeting him, maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with this constant emotional rollercoaster I'm facing.

And him apologizing is not helping
It changes nothing
You don't just throw 'i'm sorry' into the way and expect everything to go back to normal
It doesn't work that way.

He raped me
I can't just erase that from my mind
He took something from me
He took that choice from me, and I doubt I'd ever forgive him for it.

I'm only trying to tolerate him for Ivan's sake
He should be grateful at the fact that I've not said shit to Cara or Enzo.
They still think it's Ivan's, because they think I have a thing with him.

They don't know it's not his
They have no idea what happened to me and I intend to keep it that way

Most times I stay up at night and I just wonder, how I got dragged into all of this.
It's confusing and at the same time, it's frustrating.

One minute I feel like I'm cool with Dimitri and the next minute he reminds me just how much I should hate him

One minute he has me feeling hot and strange and the next, I hate him with all my guts, I wish he'd just die.

I hate the way he makes me feel sometimes, he has no right to make me feel that way

And I mean everything I said to him
He'll never just be someone I know, or someone I met in the worst of times
No, he'll always be a monster to me
I'll always see him as the man that took away my most prized possession.

He stole everything from me
He stripped me bare of my soul
The little part of me I still held on to with my dear life, he ripped it away.

And now he thinks sorry is going to fix it
He can't fix it
No one can

I'm broken
Just like he wanted
He should be happy

_________________________________________

"I've been trying to find out where they took him to but they've not really said anything about it" I muttered looking into space, I've really tried eavesdropping but nothing.

It's a dead end
He sighed looking away

"But there's something I haven't tried tho" I say making him look at me
"I've not looked into Enzo's office, there must something there that'll lead me to something" I say looking at him but he just shakes his head.

"No, it's too risky, what if he catches you"? He asks dismissing the idea

"I live there, I look like his wife and I doubt he'd catch me, I know what I'm doing" I say relaxing on the chair

"I'm going to...." I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen that makes me wince and stop talking, he quickly notices and looks at me with concern

"Are you okay"? He asks and I just nod but then I feel it again, this time much worse, making me wince even harder