Long Lost Love

strong

Matt Pov:
Luz walks into the lunch room. "He missed school again, huh?" I ask. She nods. "Ugh, I feel horrible," I say, putting my hands on my face. She looks at me confused, "for what? It's not like you did anything." I pause, "Yeah, I mean- I just feel bad. He must be sick.. or something." Even though I'm a horrible liar, she believes me. 

Amity comes in and sits next to Luz. "Damn, he missed another day? I wonder what's going on." Luz finishes chewing her food and remembers something, "Oh yeah! He called me earlier," she says excitedly. "He called you?" I ask, intrigued. I feel horrible about what happened the other day. I just… I can't be… I can't..  you know?" 

"Yeah he called me. He said something about a human. He asked me what kind it was," she takes another bite. "HUMAN??" I ask worriedly, "Where is he?" "I think he was at his house. He didn't say, though. But his dad was there," she answers. I look around trying to make it seem like I don't care, but in reality all I've been thinking about since that day was Gus. He means- meant so much to me. I'm mad that he did that. But what's even worse, I'm mad I didn't. I hate myself for saying this, but I think I wanted to as well. He's a fucking asshole for making me feel this way. But he also made me realize something I probably never would've allowed myself to realize. I'd probably hate myself so much more if it weren't for him. I wish he would just talk to me. I think he blocked me. I texted him so many times. He didn't even open it. I hope he's alright. He must be if he was talking to Luz. That just means that I was right, he is ignoring me.

(Time skip)

I walk out of the school and walk gloomily down the dirt path to my house. But then I realize, if I need something, I have to get it on my own. I can't count on Gus to just come back to me.  I have to go back to him. I need to apologize for the way I reacted. I walk and go towards Gus' house. As soon as I arrive, I slow down a bit, coming back to reality. He won't forgive me. Why would I ever think that? I ruined our friendship and I made him feel horrible about himself. Why would he forgive me?

I start turning back, but a man's voice says, "Hey!" I turn around and see what looks like Gus's dad. "HI," I reply, with the best smile I can manage. "Are you here for Gus?" I have no choice but to tell him yes. Or else, why would I be here, in the middle of his yard? "Yeah, I wanted to see him," I say, quietly. He looks down, then back up, thinking. "Well, right now isn't really-"

He's cut off by a voice way too familiar but also way too foreign. "Dad, whose-" Gus walks out the door. His eyes sink, then get mad. "Hey, I wanted to-" 

"Oh, you wanted to do something? What? Call me a fag? Or what, tell me I'm disgusting again?" He shouts angrily. "Gus, you kno-" "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT! YOU DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT ANYMORE!" He comes next to me and says, "You want to apologize to me, do it. But I'm not accepting it. I don't owe you anything," a tear runs down his face as he says this. "Just- I'm sorry. I- I-" He starts sobbing, "What do you want from me? I never did anything to you. I never hurt you. I never did anything to make you mad at me. Why do you make me feel this way? You're an asshole." He cries and his dad comes behind him and hugs him. "I'm sorry, Agustus. I- I'm sorry," I say trying to hold back the tears as well as I can. 

"I think you should leave. Now," his dad says with a stern voice. I look at Agustus and how he's crying so vulnerable in front of me. I hate doing this to him. He doesn't deserve this. He's so much better than me. How come I have to ruin everything? How come I can't just let someone be happy? How come I can't just be happy?

I run home and crawl in my bed and hug the pillow tight. Then Steve comes in in the middle of me crying my eyes out. "Hey, bud. What happened?" He asks. I jump up and hug him. He takes me in his embrace and doesn't let me go. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to give him the hugs and I'm supposed to tell him everything's gonna be okay. I'm supposed to do this.