Long Lost Love

negative

Matt Pov:

*Knock knock*

“What's wrong Matt?”  Steve asks. I wipe my tears off my face as I lift my head from the pillow. Steve is outside my door, waiting to walk in. I know if it was mom she wouldn't have waited. “Nothing. You can come in.” I say, hoping my eyes aren't red. He walks in slowly, and sits on my bed. “Matt, talk to me,” he says under his breath where I can hear but mom can't. “I- I fucked things up with Gus… I made him feel horrible for something I shouldn't. I- I think somethings wrong with me, Steve. I think I'm like- like mom.” He knocks his shoes off his feet and pulls his feet to his chest on my bed. And in the calmest way possible, he asks, “What do you mean ‘like mom?’ What happened with Gus?”

My voice starts quivering again and my eyes water, making my vision blurry but I'm hoping he can't tell. He probably can; Steve knows everything. “I mean- like how she i-is. Like how she acts. Like how s-s-she has those days. Those weeks where she can't even look us in the eye. Where she doesn't even want to be ar-r-round us. And other times, she tells us she loves us constantly. I think I h-h-have that too. At this point my eyes are being kept as wide as possible and I'm trying to keep the tears from falling down my cheek.

“What does this have to do with Gus, Matt? Why… what happened?” He asks.

“Promise you won't say anything and you will try to u-u-unders-stand?” I ask, and Steve nods his head. “Of course,” he replies. I hold my breath for a second. If I don't I'm going to start bursting out into tears and feel like I'm drowning again. I blow air out my mouth. “Ok. I'll tell you. So Gus is… g-g… he likes boys. And he likes… liked me. He told me and I freaked out on him… like completely. I called him… I said some really nasty things to him. And I was trying to apologize to him and I think my words really impacted him more than I thought they did because he won't even listen to me…. He won't even listen to me. I miss him… I feel like I completely messed him up…” Steve grabs my shoulder and pulls me into a hug. “He'll understand, Matty. He'll understand if you guys were ever actually friends. Just talk to him as much as possible and try not to say anything you think will make it worse. Trust me,” he says. “But how do I know? How does he know he can trust me?” Steve shrugs then leaves the room.

“Very helpful,” I say in a sarcastic whisper. Dammit. I need to stop being so negative about everything. “I think I am like mom.”