learning to fall. ➳ horan. [short story]

Chapter Nine.

*Jean's POV*

No. No. No. This is what I didn't want. He can't fall in love with me. I'm damaged goods, I told him that. You can't love broken things, usually you throw them away, not grap onto them tighter. God, why does he have to complicate things? I couldn't stick around for this. So, I did the one thing I was good at, running away.

Well, I tried too. But Niall grabbed a hold of my upper arm and pulled me back. "Listen Niall. I know you want everything to be okay, but it just can't okay? Nothing will ever be okay. I know you want to help, but you can't. I'll just be a burden. I don't want you to get hurt." I said, pain evident in my voice. "Can we get out of here? Go somewhere a little more private to talk?" He asked me, concern that I'll say no. And in all honesty, that's what I should have done. But instead I nodded my head, and told him I'd be right back because I wanted to let the girls know I was leaving.

 After I told the girls, I contemplated the idea of going back to Niall or not. I mean, he told me he loved me. That took a lot of courage and I should use the same amount to not run away. But then, it was hard to ignore the prominent smell of alcohol on his breath, so then it was only liquid courage. And I haven't had any alcohol. So, technically I don't have any courage.

After a moment of internal battling, one side came out as the clear winner. I quickly walked around all the sweaty bodies, grinding up against each other like their lives depended on it. As soon as I pushed through, I saw my intended target. I made my way to it, and put all my force into opening the door. As soon as I stepped outside, the colder air hit me, but at the same time, it felt relaxing. 

I started my very long walk home. I knew how to get home, but the walk would not be a short one. And with that in mind, my heels came off, not really caring how dirty the side walks may be. I can't be bothered. I needed this time to clear my head. Think all my thoughts through. Okay, there was really one person my thoughts were wrapped around, Niall. 

That damn boy. Why did he have to ruin everything? I was perfectly fine with believing that nothing was ever going to happen between us. That the kiss was just us being caught up in the moment. Nothing more than that. I have tried to surpress all these feelings, honestly, I have. I mean, come on. No one has ever even showed a hint of likeliness in me, why would they now? That's why. I couldn't bear to fall in love with some random guy, only to have my heart broken. I don't want that, but then again, who does?

My thinking was interupted by a recognizable car pulling up along side me. Speaking of the devil, Niall's face was on the other side of the window. "Jean, talk to me." He pleaded. "No, Niall. And you shouldn't be driving. You're drunk." I said, starting to walk faster, but Niall just accelerated a bit to catch up to me. "Fine, then drive me home." He said, parking the car and moving into the passenger seat. I rolled my eyes and got into the car. 

The ride back to his flat was quiet, neither one of us knowing what to say. Once we got back, he was having difficulty opening the door. I'm not quite sure if the alcohol is setting in now, because he was perfectly fine at the bar, or if he's faking. But I can't just sit here and watch if it really is the first reason. I got out, walked around the other side and opened the door. He stumbled out a bit, and I slung his arm over my shoulders for support. I quickly shut the door, locked the car, and took Niall up to his apartment.

Once I got him up to the door, he fumbled with the keys, finding the right one and quickly put it in the lock. After we were inside, I helped him over to the couch, and as he was going to sit down, he took me with him, landing right next to him. I tried getting up, but he still had a firm grip on my wrist, and I knew he wasn't letting go anytime soon.

I decided to break the silence with a simple question. "How did you know I left the bar?" "I figured you would, so I decided to get into my car and wait outside to see if you would come out. Wow, I sounded like a stalker. Sorry." He said, perfectly fine. That bastard tricked me. I glared at him after figuring it out and he must have known why because he gave a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand.