learning to fall. ➳ horan. [short story]

Chapter Ten.

*Jean's POV*

I stirr in my sleep, only to feel something encasing me to the bed. My eyes pop open and I am faced with a sleeping Niall. He looks so cute when he's sle- Oh my god. I'm in Niall's bed. I came here last to take care of him and... Shit. I told him everything. Why? Why did you do that Jean? Why? You are so goddamn stupid. Now he's only with you out of pity, not because he actually cares for you. 

I decided not to stay here any longer, I couldn't face him if he woke. I was able to manage out of his grip, and he just turned in his sleep. I changed back into my ridiculous dress from last night, neatly folded Niall's clothes, and placed them on the bed. Right before I left, I rummaged through his things a bit, looked for paper and a pen, and wrote him a note. Something short and sweet. Well, not sweet for him, but you know what I mean.

I quitely, but quickly, snuck out of his apartment and made my way back to mine. I need to get out of this dress. I made it back to my apartment and changed into a pair of yoga sweats, an oversized sweatshirt and put my hair in a bun. I'm honestly in no mood to impress anyone. After that, I stood in front of my mirror and just thought of what to do next. After a moment, I thought of what to do. A walk to clear my head.

So as I started to walk around the busy streets of London, I thought of where to move to. I can't stay in that place anymore. He knows where I live. I guess it's good that I never found a job because I would have to quit in order to move to where ever I am headed off too. Now where do I go?

I was just walking, thinking of possible locations, when I instantly froze. Literally, it was like I was turned to stone. I was on that street. That street where we shared our first kiss. I started to walk like a zombie towards the streetlight. There's only two on this side of the street and their both different from each other, so it's not hard to remember which one it is.

Once I made my way to it, I stood under it, staring blankly at it. People must think I'm a crazy person. And in all actuality, I probably am, but at this moment, I couldn't be minded with that. I turned around, leaned back against it, and slide my way to the concrete, my legs instantly coming up to my chest. I wore an emotionless face and I couldn't bare to look at anyone. All I could see were the moving of legs and feet, shuffling around this broken girl who decided to blop down in the middle of the sidewalk.

Once it looked like traffic had died down, I brought my head into my hands. I didn't start crying at first. I told you, I don't cry. But after a few minutes, I felt wetness sliding down one of my cheeks. I continued to feel it, and it started to happen on the cheek too. I didn't even make an attempt to wipe them away. No one can see. No one cares anyways. No one ever has. And I don't think anyone ever will. 

*Niall's POV*

My internal alarm clock went off and my eyes fluttered open. I woke up with a smile upon my face, thinking about the fact that Jean opened up to me and she stayed the night. How can life get any better than that? I rolled over, anticipating to see that gorgeous face of hers, when the smile I wore was instantly stripped from my face.

There was nothing there. Just the clothes I let her borrow and a piece of paper. I immediately propped myself up on my elbow and took the piece of paper in my other hand. I unfolded it and read the note:

I'm sorry. I love you. But it just won't work.

Jean xox.

That's it. That's what she left me with. I couldn't get my head to comprehend the situation at hand. We were fine last night, perfect if you will. We expressed our love for each other and I thought we were actually going to become something. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend because everything did go so well. What the hell?

Well, I can't let her go. You have to fight for your love right? And I don't plan on ever quitting on her. I quickly jumped out of bed and threw the clothes that I let her borrow last night. I paused for a minute because they smelled like her and it caused a child-like grin to appear on my face. Focus Horan! Right, I finished getting ready and ran out of the apartment. 

But as soon as I closed the door, I had no clue where to start looking for Jean. I know she's a smart girl, I doubt she's hiding in the comfort of her apartment. But then again, her apartment is probably her comfort zone. I'll try there first. I start jogging, picking up speed as I went. Again, the streets weren't so crowded and I could easily make my way through people. I didn't give a rats ass about the looks I was receiving, I just had to get to Jean.

My mind started filling with every worse possible thought on what she could be doing, and as much as I wanted to think positive, I had to be realistic. Just in case I was faced with the worse. I rounded the corner and I stopped. This was the street that Jean and I shared that masical kiss. How could I ever forget that? I started walking slowly, reminiscing in old thoughts.

But again, I was forced to stop. Because underneath that street light, that street light where we kissed, was the one girl who could take my breath away, and give it back all in the matter of a second. I walked cautiously towards her. Like she will run away if she sees me approaching. She looked so shattered, so broken, so... not complete. And it shattered my heart. I don't know if it's possible, but if someone could rip your heart out, rip it into tiny shreds, violently throw it to the ground, and stomp on it ferociously, then that's what the sight of her was to me.

I made my way to her and knelt down to eye level. "Jean?" I whispered and her head shot up as she took in a huge intake of air. "Niall. Hi." She said, trying to be cheery and wiping any evidence of crying from her face. She was doing a horrible job at it, it's not like I didn't know. "Why did you run off love?" I asked, getting right to the point. "Niall, can we not do this? It won't do us any good." She said, her head falling back to look at her thighs, her voice decreasing in volume.

I couldn't stand to look at her like that. It was just too heart-breaking. I took her chin in my fingers and forced her to look at me. Her eyes avoiding my gaze though. "Jean. I need you to just trust me. I know this must be scary as hell for you, but I don't think I could leave you if I wanted to. You're a drug to me, the good kind, and I could not see my future without you. Please, let me show you what this is like. What it's like to be loved, to feel things you have never experienced before. New and amazing feelings that you will just want to keep feeling for the rest of your life. If I don't give them to you, fine. But at least let me help you find someone who will then. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if it means finding you the love of your life."

I said all of this, looking at her beautiful face. Her eyes never met mine until I was finished with the speech. "Niall, I'm so scared. What happens if I was destined to be that person who never has a love? What happens if I turn out to be nothing special like you think I can be? I don't think I can deal with that much pain." She said, her eyes, looking away from me.

"Jean, look at me." I said softly. She did as I asked. "Jean. I know. This is scary and no one ever wants to get hurt, but think about it. If nothing else, you'll always have me. I don't think I could stop loving you if my life depended on it. Please just give it try. Give love a try. Give... Us, a try." I said, gaining confidence until the end, when I whispered. Her head immediately snapped towards me, eyes bright like the sun on a clear day. This is a good sign. I think I might win her over. Okay Horan. Just ask those five simple words. Five words, that's all it is.

Inhale, and exhale. "Will you be my girlfriend?"