since.

memories.

songs

trap queen - fetty wap (for a reason jajaja)

this summer's gonna hurt like a motherfucker - maroon five

cecilia and the satelite - andrew mcmahon in the wilderness

too far gone - sir sly

//

"his heart is too big for just me," i think to myself as alex holds the door open for me. it's as if he never can turn it off and stop loving everything around him. i always worry about losing him to someone who deserves him more because hell knows i don't.

i jolt up in my bed and grab the notebook next to me. the pen tucked inside the spiral flies across the room as i try to grab it. quickly perrin, damn it, you don't want to forget this one too. i sprawl out of bed and scramble to pick up the pen.i quickly scrawl out my dream and slam the notebook shut. phew, that was close.

once the memories started twisting into my dreams, i decided to start writing them down. i don't want to forget any part of my time with alex and this is my best way of keeping my memory together. this should help me start to trust my memories again so that i don't have a relapse of what happened in the hospital.

i glance at my clock on my nightstand to see that it's only 2 in the morning. the moonlight barely illuminates the rest of my dorm to show that my roommate is actually in her bed for once. i swear cleo is always sleeping over at her boyfriends house. i wouldn't exactly call us friends but we have been roomates since freshman year of college.

my university set it up that unless you have a serious issue, you stay with the same person every year you're in college. it's to "forge lifelong bonds" or whatever the hell they say. when we both applied to grad school at the same place, it just made sense for us to still room together. we only talk about necessary things and overall it's not a bad living situation.

did she really not wake up from me flopping around on the floor? this girl sleeps like a freaking rock. i decide to go for a walk outside to try and clear my head. i manage to sneak out of the dorms without waking up anyone important ( "hey want to come watch gilmore girls with me?" "go back to sleep gabriel" ).

the cool air from outside hits me before i even step outside and i immediately regret not bringing a jacket. oh fuck it, it's not like i'm going to die of hyperthermia. i make my way across campus taking it all in. everything is turned off and silent and it feels so peaceful. i start to walk around to my favorite places that i used to visit with alex and trying my best to remember what his hand felt like in mine.

the coffee shop, library, school store where he worked for one semester before they fired him for talking with the customers too much. i end up subconsciously at a road not to far from campus. flowers, balloons, and candles fill part of the sidewalk and then it hits me where i am. i fall onto the sidewalk my eyes closing before i hit the ground.

\\

yes i made a reference to another wattpad book that i love #noregrets. seriously tho i think you read this and i only put this in bc i appreciate your book.

i have set a few challenges for myself in this book to try and get myself to describe rather than use a bunch of adjectives. some of them i want you to figure out yourselves but i'll tell you one: the university doesn't have a name because i want it to represent any college. i hope you will comment if you can figure out other strange hidden meanings i have because it would make me super happy.

sorry for such a strange update schedule i am in spain writing this in english tho so don't tell my program leaders bc they would cuss at me in español...