since.

headcase.

songs

back of the hand - the british expeditionary force

show me what you're made of - hoodie allen

twin skeleton's (hotel in nyc) - fall out boy

hopeless opus - imagine dragons

//

"so perrin, what's been going on recently?"
"uh well i've been having these... weird dreams."
"that sometimes happens when a traumatic event has happened. would you like to talk about them?"
"er not really..."
"oh?"
"i mean, i don't think i'm at the point where i could without breaking down."

i knew this wasn't a good idea. philip and cleo concocted the idea that i should see the therapist i saw after alex died. it's just another reminder that he's gone and it's my fault, as if i don't have enough.

"what else has been going on in your life? i was told you were admitted into the hospital." i run my finger over the patterns on the ugly chair i'm sitting in. what's the harm in telling her? i reluctantly tell her,
"i missed four weeks of school, accidentally went back to where i killed my fiancé, snuck out of a hospital, and cried with my roommate for a few hours. it's been going great."

my therapist writes something down on her clipboard. great i'm probably going to the mental ward, and to be honest i don't know if i would disagree with that at this point. she looks up from writing to ask me,
"why do you think you ended up at the street?"
"because i still haven't moved on."

"do you know why that is?"
"it's not like i haven't been trying because i Have. i'm just not ready to let go yet."
"no one is telling you to let go. i'm more worried that you are becoming depressed."

me too, doc. me too.

"i feel like it would be beneficial for you to talk about your dreams and i'm not sure how much i can do for you until you're ready. right now i can tell you to keep trying your best to move forward and come see me when you can talk about alex."

\\

i had an actual boy flirt with me!!! it was so weird and he was nervous and i was like wtf is going on boys never talk to me so i was nervous but ahhh.

i also went to a hoodie allen/wiz khalifa/fall out boy concert and it was sickkkk.

please do not be offended by the mental hospital reference in here because depression is a serious issue and i did not mean that line as a joke.