since.

abuse.

songs

growing up - macklemore & ryan lewis ft. ed sheeran

wash away - coasts

i want - one direction

fly away - 5 seconds of summer

//

"JAMES DID WHAT?" i yell, bursting the door open. cleo is sitting with her chin propped up by her hands, her feet on the pillows. philip is sprawled out on the floor, running his fingers through his hair. i imagine red waves of fury reflecting off of me and hitting cleo right in the face.
"i-i didn't want to stress you out more than you already wer-" she starts but i cut her off,
"that is NOT something to keep from me because you care about me. cleo he HIT you."

her face sinks, "i know."
i walk over to her and look her in the eye, "i don't care how depressed i was at that moment you should have told me even if we didn't speak much. i would have understood."
"i'm sorry that i didn't tell you."
philip speaks up, "i don't think she should have!"

ooo this boy. i am not having this today.
"and why the fuck not," i ask while spinning around. we glare at each other for a few seconds before he can work up the nerve to tell me,
"you wouldn't have been able to handle it."

that stings. but the more i think about it, he's right. would i have been able to hold the guilt for killing alex and the anger for james? cleo gives me a look that proves she agrees with philip.

"look philip, i'm sorry for being a bad friend and not talking to you, but that's because i need more time."
"it's been a month! how much more time do you need?"

don't i wish i knew?
"philip, calm down. you know perrin will talk about everything when she's comfortable. people take different amounts of time to feel comfortable with things like this," cleo says and i don't think i've ever respected anyone that much for saying something.

he looks down and pulls at his thumb, "right then, i'm sorry. i know you've had a difficult time and i should respect that. it's just frustrating for me sometimes," he looks me in the eye, " because you are my best friend and i don't want you to disappear again."

disappear like when I left his life when i dated alex? oh shit.
"sorry i can't make myself talk about everything yet. it'll be soon though and you two will be the first to know, i promise."

"what you're not going to tell the therapist you love so much? or jack or someone? wow i feel honored," cleo stabs at me. philip falls onto the floor laughing and i have to cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing.

"honey i'm back! perrin did you miss me sweetheart?" i don't even need to turn around,
"of course i did haru! i hope you have the present you brought me from japan."
i turn around and see him stumble backwards racing out the door, purple hair a flash as he sprints to his room.

"he actually probably brought you some creepy japanese sex toy or something weird like that..." philip mutters.
"god i hope so!" i scream down the hallway.

\\

weird end to a chapter? everyone from my old school starts tomorrow and i don't start until september. ): also i took my book off watty's but i'll still be writing pretty frequently.

update: v from bts is haru (i understand that he's korean not japanese but i could not find a suitable japanese model but v is the furthest from haru of the models i picked)