HER

The Separation

January 21, 2017.

We met this girl during sinulog. I noticed the girl is flirting with her in front of me. This bitch is really testing my patience. She's lucky cause I promised her that I won't do things that will be escalated or to cause turmoil. I don't want to ruin the night. Even though I am so mad, I still kept my composure. I just observed the surroundings, happenings, the energy. They started asking us kinky questions. We both answered with excitement. I can see them interested to every answer we gave.
Suddenly this girl, said she's not wearing a bra and took off her jackets to prove to us that she's telling the truth. Her bestfriend hurriedly covered her uo with her jacket saying "Aatteeeee!".
I smirked. This girl. I'm almost on my limit.

The next morning this woman, joined us again. She's just a friend of a friend. That night, I told her to stay in the room and we're not going to drink together with them. I'm marking my territory. It was around 10pm, before we sleep, I whispered to her "basin friends namos fb igka ugma ha". My way of saying to her I noticed everything. At 11pm there's a firework display, we got up and tried to check it. I noticed you both. Seems like you both are making a way to be together during the fireworks display.

January 29, 2017.
Sinulog in our town. She went to the venue due to school activities. I told her "apas lang ko". I went there. I saw her with our friend (friend of the flirty girl). She's using a white samsung keypad. I was standing facing her back. Few inches away from her. I texted her. She looked at the keypad phone, she typed a message then she clicked send. I checked my phone I did not received a message. I texted her again. She responded. Then she typed another message and clicked send.

I checked my phone but got no messages. She's texting someone but it's not me. My tears are already falling down my face. The guy beside me is looking at me already. I'm trembling. I went home. I cried my heart out. I texted her. "Are you having conversations with G ( the flirty girl)". "Let's talk later. I have something to tell you that I should've told you months ago" she responded. Feels like the world is falling apart. I know what she's going to say.

It was 9 pm, we met across of the University. We talked. She broke up with me. I begged for her to stay. It was the first time that I begged someone. I was laying on the ground begging her. But she already decided.

Days passed by I thought you'll get back with me. Then there's one night when someone called you. You're having conversations while you're laying beside me. My heart. It's so painful. I sent G a message saying I'm still with you that your mum won't let me go home which is true. She replied "oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought you're no longer there"

Days passed by I left their home.I'm so devastated. I kept on drinking alcohol. Cried my heart out. Attempted suicide. Twice. The second attempt was so shocking. I was my friend. We were about to croos the street when a ten wheeler truck blows its horn. My friend stopped her steps but I on the other hand continued. The truck kept on blowing its horn, my friend shouted my name, I just looked at her and smiled. I really hope that this will be the last day. But God, saved me. The truck made its way to stop. Then my friend hurriedly grabbed me and scolded me.
I'm so wasted every night. Thinking about you. Asking myself what's the reason why you fall out of love. What's missing. A lot of overthinking, insecurities came. I hate my self, I hate myself for not having all the physical appearances that you like from a person. I don't have the perfect smile, I'm not white as snow, "dili ko balhiboon". I hate my self for being me. God I wished I have all of those, so you can like me again.