Submit to Me

6 - Aaron

I can't believe Trent talked me into going out tonight—on a Monday of all nights. I may not know what he has planned, but I have a pretty good idea about what he wants us to do. If he's planning on finding us a willing woman to have a threesome tonight, usually, I'd be excited about it, but I'm not.

Trent may have been the one to teach Callum and me the right way to have threesomes, so this may be what I need to go back to who I was last week, but who am I kidding? How will that work when I can't seem to get what my grandmother is looking for from me before she leaves this world out of my mind? I've always done what she's asked of me, especially since she took my sisters and me in after our parents were killed. But this one. This is one huge request I'm having a hard time with.

After losing my parents, I wanted to be the one to help her with everything she needed help with—raising my sisters, helping my grandmother with chores, buying groceries, helping with the cooking, cleaning, shit like that, and of course, taking her and her friends to play bingo whenever they're itching to get out of the nursing home for a few hours.

Now, I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. And it's driving me up the wall.

I want to please the closest person to me, but after Sloane fucking broke me with what she said. How she handled the situation humiliating me when I asked her to be my girlfriend in front of God and everyone else. I just can't seem to want to ask another woman out—fearing it'll happen again.

At least by having meaningless sex, threesomes, and more with women who aren't looking for a relationship, I never have to worry about my heart fucking breaking ever again.

I've asked myself numerous times throughout the years what advantage I would have if I fell in love with someone if love was never guaranteed. There's always a chance of them finding someone else to love and leaving me hanging, wondering why, what did I do?

I also feel they could do what Sloane did and make a fool out of me by saying hurtful things and mocking me for something she didn't like. They could also put me down because they think that's what they must do to make them feel better about themselves.

There are so many things I'm afraid of a woman doing that would push me over the edge. For twenty goddamn long years, I've repeatedly replayed in my mind what Sloane said to me. The humored look on her face, the shitty, evil smirk, the laughs from the students surrounding us that heard it all, and the amused look on her friends' faces as she put me down.

I never saw what she'd do and say to me coming.

Ever

And that's something I don't think I'll ever forget.

Do I like not having a girl in my life? Yes and no. Yes, because I don't have to worry about a fucking thing. The only girls I genuinely need are my sisters and grandmother. However, there have been times I felt having a woman I could call mine would be nice to have. I wouldn't have been alone at all the weddings I attended, especially the last few years when all my friends married, leaving Trent and me of the clan single.

Sitting at a table with my friends and their wives is also hard whenever we get together to shoot the shit. And I think that's why I left with Angela the other night, knowing it was wrong of me to do.

Surprisingly, I was jealous.

I'm never jealous, and I blame my grandmother for causing me to feel that way about what my friends have.

As I waited for Trent to arrive, I sorted through my mail, throwing away the annoying waste of junk mail and putting the bills aside. While sorting through a week's worth of mail that I'd ignored, I came across something that seemed like a card.