Submit to Me

20 - Sloane *

I'm so nervous about what I'm about to have Aaron do to me. I feel like throwing up.

Since stepping inside The Night Lovers Club, my nerves have overtaken me. Thankfully, my doctor in California agreed to refill my prescriptions until I find a doctor here in Chicago to see. Because had he hadn't, I'd be a bigger mess than I feel I am right now.

Or, I probably never would have suggested Aaron to bring me here.

The surprise on his face when I handed Summer my membership card was hilarious yet nerve-wracking. I was a bit worried about what he'd say since I did it without him and because I never told him I'd become a member for him.

The shock on Aaron's face when I said we wanted a room and needed a key was priceless, also. But I also felt good inside when I saw the excitement and happiness on his face.

I figured if I had Aaron bring me to the top floor, it would help calm my nerves. But it didn't. All it did was make me even more aroused seeing what I was and even more nervous.

The longer my eyes were on the doms punishing their subs and how they were disciplining them, the more alert my body became. I felt like a cat on a hot tin roof, ready to pounce on its prey.

I knew if I prolonged staying on the top floor, what Trent talked me into doing with Aaron tonight would never happen. So, I had him bring me to the club's store to pick out a couple of outfits I could wear for him tonight.

He picked out the ones I hoped he would. They were the ones that caught my eye the other day when Trent showed me around.

I feel guilty for not telling Aaron what Trent said to me. But there was nothing to tell him. He only warned me about what he'd do if I broke Aaron's heart again. Which is something I promised I'd never do again because of the pain it caused us both.

Trent was polite the entire time, even while drilling me about my intentions with Aaron. I should've been upset by what he was doing, but I wasn't. I knew he was only looking out for his friend. One Aaron considers as a brother to him, something Trent reminded me about.

And that's okay. After what I'd done to Aaron, I deserve everything I have coming to me with his friends and family—the third-degree questions, the threats and warnings, the concerned looks. Everything.

I have to learn to get used to it, including taking the heat without taking off in tears.

When Trent showed me around and had his "talk" with me, he suggested if I really wanted to show Aaron how sorry I was for the hurt and pain I caused him, I'd step up my game by allowing him to punish me in ways that would also help comfort me, and where it would help me not feel like one's black dog.

He insisted that if I allowed Aaron to use bondage discipline tactics on me, it could help cure my depression.

Trent explained what BDSM discipline does to the mind and how it helps keep you in the present. That it's therapeutic and healing. He also mentioned that it would improve my mental health, make me happier, and feel better about myself.

He explained that bondage is more neurotic than I thought I would be, that it would help make me more conscientious, less sensitive to what others think of me, and make me more open-minded.

Which was exactly what Aaron had been trying to do for me since we reconciled. I was just being too damn stubborn to allow him into my mind.

I expected only Aaron to help me overcome my shameless thoughts. I never expected Trent to want to help—I expected him to tell me to stay away from Aaron.

It warms me to know that they're both trying to heal me without batting an eye.

Trent expressed this would be a way for me to reclaim control of my life healthily and insisted that if I allowed Aaron to take control over my mind, it would be good for us both, help bring us closer, and more trust in our relationship.