56. Regrets.

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JANIE

I soaked myself inside the warm water tub, heaving a sigh for the umpteenth time. My mind kept screaming at me as I wondered why a relationship with a Mafia king would even work out.

Damn, I couldn't believe my naivety got the better part of me.

Not hearing Luciano's voice again meant he had left. And that alone was enough to spring up numerous questions in my head. Does he not care about me? Was he merely pursuing me for sex and now that he has gotten what he wanted, he felt there was no need to stick around again?

You are so dumb, Janie Braxton. My subconscious screamed at me again.

Our relationship wasn't even up to two weeks yet, just one week and some days, and we were already having issues.

Dragging my knees to my chest, I buried my head and burst into tears. If only my mom was still alive to advise me. Sometimes, it felt like I was derailing off track and It seemed pretty difficult to keep my mind afloat.

I could have called Mrs Isobel and let her advise me like an experienced adult, but then how would I explain to her that I was in a relationship with my Uncle?

Sandra.

She was my safest bet right now. I need someone who would make me less shitty than I feel at the moment. I needed her to tell me everyone makes mistakes and I wasn't above it.

More tears rolled down my cheeks. What if I eventually figured out that Luciano just used me for sex, how would I face him afterward? Would he smirk at my face, as his mind reminisced the way I moaned his name?

"Ugh!" I shrieked, banging my head repeatedly against my knees. "You are such a fool, Janie. You are so stupid. How can you fall for him so easily just because he got you the same admission he took from you in the first place? How can you mistake the little gestures he did to correct his ways for affection?" I muttered to myself.

My heart felt heavy.

This was my first relationship. Or perhaps, there wasn't even a relationship to start with. Just mere infatuation, thinking Luciano could be redeemed.

More tears cascaded down my cheeks as I clutched my chest in anguish.

This wouldn't deter me from focusing on my life. Although it'd hurt, I would pick myself up.

So I tried as much to dismiss the thought, had my bath, and then got out of the tub. My mind was in its distorted mess as I wrapped a towel around my bossom and headed out of the bathroom.

Indeed, Luciano's clothes were gone. His stuff too.

Well, it was good while it lasted. Luciano has shown me some days of affection I never knew I deserved in my entire life. Alas, it was high time I snapped back to my senses and let him pursue his mafia business, while I chase my career.

Trying not to dwell on it, I opened the closet and wore a dress amongst the ones there, then I carried my purse and headed out of the apartment.

I noticed a hefty man standing on guard in front of the apartment, but I paid no attention to him, instead, I kept walking.

"Excuse me, Miss." The hefty man called out to me. " The Boss asked me to take you back to your hostel."

Oh! His last act of kind gesture right?

Tears welled up in my eyes again, but I wiped them off immediately and said; "Thanks for your offer. I really really appreciate it, but can you please not pester me? I'd like to walk under the sun and clear my head."

"But Miss—"

"Please." I cut him off. "I don't want to do this right now!"

I heard him let out a sigh while I continued walking. This time, I doubled my pace, strutting towards the college premises.

My mind was running amok. I could feel the heated gaze of the hefty man boring into my back, and also, I could sense that he was following me at a safe distance. Nevertheless, I didn't turn around.

On getting to the hostel, I knocked on the door and it creaked open the next second, showing an excited Sandra.

"Yay! Look who's back home!" She squealed, flashing me a warm grin but her excitement wore off the second she noticed the forlorn look on my face.

"What's wrong, Janie?" She asked, closing the door after I walked in.

But Instead of answering, I burst into tears.

"Hey, hey, come here." Sandra wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace. "Let it out, let it all out." She cooed, patting a small of my back.

Meanwhile, the tears gushed out of my eyes like a fountain.

Each time my memory reflected on the way I moaned when Luciano pleased me, a sharp pain tugged my heart.

"H— H-e u-used me, Sandra." My voice cracked with tears.

"Who did? Your boyfriend?" She questioned, still hugging me.

"I don't think he feels anything for me. I was just being a naive fool mistaking his kind gesture for love. I made the first move and he leaped on the opportunity to have me. Gosh! I'm so dirty. I'm a stinking whore."

"No, no, Janie. Don't say that." She cautioned me instantly. "You are young, you can't control what your heart feels." She peeled away from me and then led me to her bed.

Gathering me in her arms, she stated. "What did he do? Did he hurt you? Did you hear him talking lowly of you?"

I shook my head. "No, but he might be making jest of me at the moment. I feel so stupid. I thought in a relationship, communication matters, at least that's part of what you taught me."

"Yes, yes, communication matters a great deal." Sandra breathed.

"But I don't think he wants that. It seems like he doesn't see me as someone he can confide in, and that's why he is hiding things from me." I bemoaned. "Can you believe I was furious and he left me that way?"

"That's silly of him." And with a sigh, she added. "But wait, Janie. From my understanding, your relationship is just getting to two weeks. Why not give it time? Maybe he isn't used to confiding in people. There are people like that, and with time, he will gravitate towards you." She advised.

I shook my head, sniffling back sobs. "I just want to clear my head. I don't want to think or talk about him anymore."

"Oh my poor Janie," her arms tightened around me. "I hate to see you this way. Okay, you know what?"

"What?" I asked, casting her a cursory glance while her face lit up with a small smile.

"Someone is celebrating her birthday party, tonight in a club around the avenue, she invited me and also said I could bring a plus one." Sandra wiggled her brows. "Would you like to be my plus one?"

"No, I just want to stay here and reminisce just how much my life sucks."

"No, your life doesn't suck," Sandra interjected. "You are beautiful. You are special, you are wonderfully made. If a man doesn't treat you right, then fuck him! There are tons of guys out there wishing for a gorgeous angel like you."

She began to wipe off the tears from my eyes. "I don't want to see you crying, Janie. You have a whole life ahead of you, don't ditch it because of one man."

Her words brought up a warm feeling that strengthened my resolve. I sniffled back sobs and stopped crying.

"What time is the party starting again?" I inquired and Sandra gasped.

She giggled and then placed a soft feathery kiss on my cheek. "That's the spirit. Fuck Luciano! It's time to get your groove on!"

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