Like Petals Under a Tree

Day by day...

TW: None

With each passing day,

I feel as though my friendships with others are fading,

not all, just some,

some make feel as though they do not want to be friends with me.

I cannot explain why I feel this way,

only that some moments,

not all, just some,

make me feel as though the bond is fading.

They make feel as though I am wrong,

wrong for prioritising work,

something important,

something that will help me reach my desired career,

over a birthday call.

For the friend whose birthday it was,

is in a different city,

pursuing their dreams and career,

and thus, cannot spend it with their friends here,

but they have companions in that city,

ones they are happy to spend the day with.

However, a message was sent from myself,

wishing them a good birthday, and hoping they had a great day,

I do not understand why a call was necessary,

for a message can convey the same words,

I dare not ask them to explain,

for fear it may cause the bond to further fade.

Am I in the wrong?

for prioritising my career,

over that of a birthday call?

I had spent their previous birthdays with them,

laughing, smiling,

on the day they turn another year old,

there is none I can ask,

for others may say I am,

I feel as though I am not.

although, because of the words of their other friends, my other friends,

I doubt my own judgement. 

Other instances have made me feel as though,

day by day,

my friendships is fading with some of them,

as though they do not want to speak to me,

to end the friendship between us,

instances, such as sitting under the shade of a tree,

talking among themselves,

yet I felt out of place

I write these words,

in hopes they calm the storm within my mind.

the storm does not fade,

although it does calm itself a little

however, I still do not know,

whether to attempt to keep the bonds,

or whether to simply let them fade.